Page 46 of Perfect Chaos

“Then, that's exactly what we will do. My buddy, Kyle, should be able to track down his car. That's probably our best place to start. Let me give him a quick call.” Atlas digs his phone from his back pocket, scrolling through contacts before clicking on one and turning it on speaker mode so that I can hear as well. The line rings for a while, finally connecting moments before going to voicemail.

“Hey, Atlas. What’s up?”

“Hey, Kyle. I am sorry I am only calling because I need a favor, but I was wondering if you could track Gavin's car for me.”

“Yeah, man, of course. What's the tag number? If you got it, if not, what's the make and model of the car?”

I let Atlas lead the conversation with Kyle. I’m not sure how much help I will actually be when I don’t have all the information needed.

“The tag number is tz64pq.”

“Are you sure that's the tag number?” His voice sounds strained.

Atlas’ brows scrunch at the question. “Yeah, why?”

The sound of Kyle typing vigorously on a keyboard is the only thing coming from the other side of the phone before an exhale is breathed through. “Because a black RS6 with the same plates was just reported abandoned at the corner of Concourse and 5th.”

“Fuck. Okay, I will go check it out to see if we can find any leads and to double-check that it’s actually Gavin's car.

My mind runs a mile a minute, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do right now. I feel powerless as my self-doubt climbs up my throat. I can feel myself shutting down. I see Atlas’ lips moving in front of me but it sounds muffled. I assume he asked me a question, nodding my head, hoping it’s the answer he was looking for as he uses my arm to guide me out the door and to the car.

Atlas

I can physically see Maizyn put her walls back up. Her eyes glaze over as if she shut herself off from the rest of the world. I wonder if her mind is safer than reality or much worse. No matter how bad I want to sit here until she snaps back into reality, we don’t have the time. I try pulling her out of it, rubbing her arms, and asking if she is okay with coming with me. Her head nods up and down, but I have no way of knowing if she actually heard me. Gently grasping her arm, I guide her to the car. I assist her into the seat before buckling her up, then round the front of the car to climb in myself.

The intersection Kyle told us is on the other side of town. I have no idea what Gavin was doing over there. But I'll find out. The drive there feels 10 times longer than it actually is. I'm trying to remain in control, but I can physically feel everything slipping through my fingers. I've been here before. My chest aches as I replay the last time it was in a similar situation. Last time it was Maizyn; this time it's Gavin. The common denominator is me. Maybe I'm the fucking problem all along. They both decided to leave for one reason or another. I can't help thinking this is yet again all my fault; my mask is fracturing more and more, the closer we get to his car. I don't know how much longer I can keep it together.

Will Maizyn leave too if I can't figure out how to mend all the broken pieces?

Will our lives always be a constant circle of someone running away?

Will we be as lucky this time?

We found Maizyn alive and healthy. What are the chances we'll find Gavin the same way?

As Gavin's car comes into view, my world tilts on its axis. Not this shit again. I'm not fucking doing this again.

We will find him. We have to. I slow to a stop behind his wrecked car, putting my car into park and turning it off. I pick at the skin on my thumb as I try to process the scene with a level head. The car is pinned to the railing. It was hit hard enough to deploy the airbags, and there is no sign of Gavin anywhere. I wish I could say this wasn’t his car. That it was a simple mix-up, but I would recognize this car anywhere. Any hope I had of this being easy vanishes. What the hell did you get yourself into, Gavin?

“Is this what it felt like when you couldn't find me?” Maizyn's soft-spoken whisper snaps me out of my thoughts. Seeing Gavin’s car like this must have jostled her from her thoughts as well. It’s the first thing she said on the entire drive over.

“Yeah, Chaos, pretty close.” My pain is barely concealed, the only thing keeping me from snapping is the fact she is here with me.

She sniffles, wiping her nose as her voice cracks. “I'm so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, hey, none of that. It wasn't your fault. I should never have let you leave that night. And we will find Gavin, too. I promise.” My own despair contorts the words to sound anything but hopeful.

Before I have a chance to inspect the car for any clues, my phone rings in my pocket. I scramble to retrieve it, not seeing the name on the screen that I was hoping for.

“Is it him?” The hope in her voice stings a little, knowing my answer won’t be the one she wants.

“No, it's Ramos. Normally, I would decline any work call, but Ramos doesn't call often; it might be important.” I shift my weight side to side, weighing my options.

“Go ahead and answer it.” She squeezes my forearm in support, rubbing her thumb back and forth.

I put the phone on speaker as I answer it. “Ramos, it's not the best time, so if it's not important, can we-”

“It's about Gavin.” Neither his words nor tone give anything away.