Page 58 of Perfect Chaos

“How come you get to have a bite mark tattoo? I want one.” Atlas stomps his foot on the last word, throwing a fit like a toddler. I don’t think I have ever seen him act so childishly the entire time I've known him. Now I don’t feel so bad and my head snaps up to him.

“Is that really what you're pouting about? You got the chance to love her first, so I get to have the tattoo. It's only fair.” I can’t help myself as the urge to pull one over on him takes over before I realize the words that come flying out of my mouth.

“If you will just hush, we can all get bite mark tattoos. Will that make you happy?” Maizyn says, voice exasperated while she places her hands in the air, almost like she is trying to separate us, even though there is no need.

“Fine, deal.” Atlas and I say in unison.

“Can we let the doctor do his job now?” Maizyn glances to the left, breaking us from our argument.

“Shit. Yeah, sorry.” I turn my attention back to the doctor who has been silently watching the entire exchange at the end of the bed. His professional mask of indifference is impressive. Once he has my attention again, he moves closer.

“I need to see if anything is broken or if it is surface-level bruising. This may hurt a bit.”

I hiss through my teeth when the doctor presses down on my collarbone. I was so focused on Maizyn that this is the first time I am actually seeing my own injuries. Purple marks decorate the area where the seatbelt locked into place when I look down at myself.

I sit quietly, fighting the urge to pull away every time the doctor finds a new injury that I haven’t felt. After poking and prodding at my entire body, he informs me that nothing is broken, then calls for a nurse to help him clean and dress the thermal burns on my arms, chest, and chin from the wreck. He takes inventory of everything else repeating the same warning for my burns and restraint marks that he told Atlas. I am impressed by how quietly my Little Tornado and Atlas both sit and wait until the doctor is done.

The doctor goes to exit the room, but stops at the door, turning back to address all of us one more time. “All three of you are cleared to go home tomorrow.” He says before finally exiting the room.

I watch Maizyn intently, looking for any indication of how she is feeling. She looks closed off and guarded; I don’t like it. I can’t tell what she is thinking like I normally can. It unsettles something in my soul.

“Stop looking at me like that.” She finally says to me, sitting up straighter.

“Like what?”

“Like you are waiting for me to snap or something, it’s not like I am going to try to kill myself or anything.”

I flinch at her words. It’s scary how easily she can read me. My blood boils slightly at how lightly she is taking this. She pulled the trigger with a gun pressed against her head and is making a joke about it.

“Yeah, because that's an irrational fear we have now.” The words come out before I can stop them and I honestly don’t mean to raise my voice.

“I'm not suicidal.” She shakes her head, throwing her hands up in disbelief.

“No? Then why did you pull the trigger?” I lower my voice to keep my tone level, not trying to upset her. Yelling won’t do any of us any good.

Atlas remains quiet, rising from his seat to step closer to us. It infuriates me further that he is back to refusing to talk. I am fighting with too many emotions at once while he sits there like a statue. I can’t be the only one fighting for answers here. My frustrations get the best of me and I call him out on his bullshit.

“Are you actually going to say something, Atlas? She almost killed herself and you really have nothing to say about it?”

“It’s not like that, Gavin. I can’t fight with her about this. I can’t fight with her at all.”

“Why the hell not? Why am I the only one fighting?”

“You don’t understand. She went through all of that because of me. Because I got mad and made her feel like shit, she left. That argument was almost the reason I lost her.” His voice cracks, causing him to pause before he continues. “Trevor never would’ve had the chance for everything he did to her if I had been better. I can’t bring myself to let any situation like that happen again. What if I fight with her again and she leaves? Then what are we going to do?” His words hold the same torment I’m feeling.

“I get it, I do. But that doesn’t mean you let her play fast and loose with her life, Atlas! That’s a sure way for her to do exactly what she almost did!” My chest heaves with both fear and anger at my best friend and his refusal to try and keep our girl safe, even if that is from herself.

Atlas pulls on his hair, kicking the chair across the room in what I guess is either frustration or anger at my words. “I know…” All the anger seems to bleed out of him as he turns back to face Maizyn. His eyes are red and watery. “Why did you do it, Chaos?”

She looks away from us as if contemplating her answer. If I am honest, I am a little surprised she didn’t jump in and stop our argument. I watch her fingers move, twirling the ends of her hair. The silence stretches for a moment, almost to the point where it becomes uncomfortable. I almost think she isn’t going to answer. She lets out a long, shaky exhale, visibly bracing herself before finally speaking without looking at us. “Turns out I will kill to protect both of you, even if it's myself.”

“I would have killed Trevor to save you, but someone beat me to it.” There is a bit of humor in Atlas’ voice. His mouth is twitching as he tries to get her to look up at us.

“It suddenly dawns on me that we never actually talked about why I did it. I wasn’t originally going to kill Trevor. I was going to call the cops and tell them what he did, let them handle it.”

The attempt at a topic change is subtle but I catch it. I could steer it back on track if I wasn’t actually interested in knowing what actually happened that day. It’s been on my mind ever since I helped Ramos clean up the scene for her. “What changed?” I turn, pulling my leg up onto the bed in order to focus on her explanation. Atlas walks across the room and picks up his chair from where it landed, pulling it close, dropping into it, and grasping at her hand. Taking the cue, I take hold of her other hand, interlacing our fingers. I squeeze gently to silently show my support.

“He tried to get under my skin. Telling me that Atlas wasn't who I thought he was. None of that really mattered; most of it just confused me because he kept saying he was not letting Atlas take me from him again. Without my memories, I didn't know what that even meant. I wasn't going to kill him just for what he did to me. I thought rotting in jail would be a better punishment for him, but then he threatened Atlas, and I snapped. When he said he was going to kill Atlas, I saw red. My body moved on its own accord; the next thing I knew, my knife was in his neck. I couldn’t let him live and risk something bad happening.”