Page 180 of Scales ’N’ Spells: Volume Two

Looking around at the horizon, Nikki felt the driving need to go out dissipate. Was it because they were outside and able to look at the mountains unrestricted? Or was it because they were able to talk through these feelings with Tori? Nikki had a feeling it was a healthy helping of both. “I honestly feel better just sitting out here.”

“Yeah, this is a favorite spot of mine. I sit here often when the feeling hits.” Tori caught their eyes, mouth twisted up in a sad smile. “Look, Nikki, what happened to you was wrong on so many levels. Just like what happened to me was sickening and wrong. And it has left its imprint on us—no pretending otherwise. I think it’s okay to cut ourselves some slack. Don’t give yourself grief over all this. Be kind to yourself. Work against the problem, not yourself.”

“You’re saying that if I get like this again, it’s okay to just come out here?”

“It’s absolutely okay. It’s okay to tell Gunter flat out, too, that you’re not comfortable inside the castle right now. He’ll fly you in a heartbeat. And the dragons love flying their mates around. I honestly think they live for it. It makes Baldewin sad I won’t fly with him, but I’m too scared of heights to manage it. I bet Gunter would love to fly you, though.”

That was a really good thought. Nikki had never flown with Gunter for the fun of it. There had always been a reason, a grim mission ahead of them, which had taken a lot of the enjoyment out of it all.

“If you feel like you want to get professional help, like a therapist, I think that’s okay to do as well. They help more than you’d think. I started talking to one about six months ago.” Tori’s nose scrunched up in aggravation. “Mostly because I hated dumping all my baggage at Baldewin’s feet and making him deal with it. My husband doesn’t deserve that. And really, I don’t want to carry those issues with me for the rest of my life. My lifespan is now hundreds of years long because I’ll live as long as Baldewin does. Who wants to carry all that crap for hundreds of years?”

“You really think if I ask, I can have a therapist?”

“Hell yeah. No one even blinked when I asked. They were relieved, actually. I think they thought I’d have to be talked into it.” Tori held up a stern finger. “The Jaeggi’s issues are theirs, and theirs alone. They’re not yours. You don’t have to carry them. You want me to help you find a therapist? Hell, you can even use mine. She’s great, super friendly, and approachable. And unshockable. I’ve told her stories that would turn most people’s hair white and she’s just intrigued by it all.”

Any therapist who’d taken on Tori would know more about dragons and mates than the average therapist. They’d be broken in and Nikki wouldn’t have to explain every little thing.

And Tori had a good point, about not wanting to carry baggage around. Nikki certainly didn’t. They didn’t want the Jaeggi to continue to have that much power over them. They’d already done enough damage; Nikki wasn’t letting those bastards do even more. They wanted to be truly comfortable here and not be a burden to Gunter. Therapy…might be a really good idea, actually.

But it also wasn’t something they wanted to decide right this second. “Let me sleep on it. I’m probably going to say yes, though. Because you’re right, I don’t want these issues living in my head rent free.”

“Good. Just let me know.” Tori clapped them on the shoulder. “I’ll let you enjoy the sunset. I’ve got a husband with the sniffles to get back to.”

“Oh. I did wonder about the eucalyptus.”

“Yeah, it’s just allergies, easy to cure. Take your time, Nikki. Don’t force yourself back in until you feel comfortable.”

That sounded like experience talking. Nikki gave him a nod and a grateful smile. “Thanks, Tori.”

“You’re more than welcome.”

Nikki watched them retreat back into the castle. Tori really was good people. Considering all he had survived, the trauma of it all, he should be scared, angry, and vulnerable. But he wasn’t. He was kind. He’d made himself kind.

It had been the right choice to trust Tori. And Nikki was ever so glad to have taken a leap of faith and been proven right. Maybe they could trust all the mages in the same way—like a domino effect, letting Nikki connect to each mage here and get comfortable in the clan. Tori’s efforts to reach out to them today touched Nikki deeply.

Tori was something of a role model for Nikki. They wanted to be that well-adjusted, that comfortable in their own skin, that they could reach out a helping hand to someone else as Tori had just done.

Nikki mentally hashtagged it: #lifegoals.

They really did feel better after talking it all out and sitting here. The antsy feeling was gone completely. Relieved, they chose to sit for another moment and really enjoy the sunset. And only then, when they were perfectly ready to, did they go back inside.

Gunter lay ensconced in bed, reading, when the text came through on his phone. He set the book aside and opened the message.

It was from Tori—something of a rare occurrence—and said simply, Your Nikki is struggling. Found them outside the castle tonight, fighting with some demons. I talked them into coming back in, but you better get on this, Gunter. I’ll help.

Gunter frowned at the message and typed back, What demons?

The feeling-caged-in type. Nikki knew it was ridiculous even as they escaped outside. Sometimes, they need to leave these walls.

This alarmed Gunter thoroughly. They wanted to leave? He’d never thought Nikki would even entertain the thought, especially not after their courtship had started. He flailed upright in a panic, feeling his heart breaking. Surely not, surely he was misinterpreting Tori’s text. He couldn’t fathom Nikki ever leaving. He called Tori immediately, unable to continue this conversation in text.

“Don’t panic,” was how Tori answered the phone.

“I’m not panicking. What do you mean Nikki wants to leave?”

“You are so totally panicking right now. Gunter. Deep breath. I fought with these same feelings when I first came into Burkhard. Do you know how many times Baldewin had to assure me I could leave if I wanted to?”

Actually, Gunter hadn’t known at all. “Really?”