Page 116 of If I Didn’t Have You

Her words were a punch to the gut. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, come on. Over the years, we’ve always done things your way. You might be flexible to a point, but you always ran the house. I mean, up until we graduated high school, we were all terrified of anything we did, that it might get back to you and then we’d really be in trouble.”

“Oh, that’s nonsense!”

“Is it? Then tell me why I was so terrified to get my second piercings?”

“Because you knew they would look ridiculous.”

She stood and lifted her shirt. I gasped as I saw the stud through her belly button. “What did you do?”

“See? Even with that damn helix in your ear, you’re still a prude!”

“I am not!” I shouted, tossing the covers off me.

“I did this three years ago, and I’ve been hiding it from you ever since because I knew how you would react. Liam got another tattoo, and he didn’t tell you about it because he didn’t want a ten-minute lecture. As for Michael⁠—”

“Okay, fine! I might have a problem with some things, but that doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on with your father.”

“Right. So, you wanted him to change. You practically demanded it of him, and when he finally got excited about it, you ripped the rug out from under him.”

“He wanted to do business with the Callahans!”

“And you punished him for his success,” she snapped. “After five years of moping, he finally got his shit together, and you told him it wasn’t good enough. Do you really wonder why he left?”

“Hey, I didn’t choose to give up on my marriage. He walked away.”

Her anger vanished in a second, replaced by sadness. “Mom…what did you say to him?”

Tears brimmed my eyes as I remembered our fight. “He said he could keep me safe, but I know better. Austin will get out of prison, and he’ll come back. No one will be able to stop him. Getting mixed up with the Callahans will only cause trouble, and I told him that, but he insisted he could keep us safe. And that’s when I told him he had to choose. Clearly, he didn’t choose me.”

Sighing, she walked over to me. “And if he chose you, what do you think would have happened? Really, Mom. Do you really think he would have been happy to just sit around here and have sex with you for the rest of your lives?”

“He seemed happy enough over the last few weeks,” I mumbled.

“But he was finally doing something again. That’s what you wanted. You pleaded with him to get his act together, and when he did, you told him it wasn’t good enough. How does a marriage like that work?”

“Apparently not very well,” I conceded.

Plopping back down in my chair, I snuggled under my blanket, exhausted from the days and nights with no sleep, aside from nodding off for an hour or two. I hadn’t left the house since he drove away. I was too depressed.

“You know, you made a lot of changes without asking his opinion on anything, and he went along with it. It hardly seems fair that you can’t trust him with this decision.”

“Maybe not,” I whispered. “But I don’t know how to let John and his family back into my life after what happened. Getting along was one thing, but business…”

“You have to trust Dad, and if you don’t…you’re never going to be happy. And we might never see him again.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I scoffed. “He’ll come home when his belly gets hungry enough.”

“And if he doesn’t?” She kissed me on the cheek and headed for the door. “Take a shower. You stink.”

34

BEN

The door to my motel room slammed open, and the looming, dark presence could only be one person.

“What are you doing here?”