Page 22 of If I Didn’t Have You

I pulled her to a stop with me, then walked over to the bench to take a seat so I could see her face as I explained my warring emotions.

“I was doing the dishes, and I just thought, What am I doing with my life? And I just suddenly got so angry that despite how wonderful everything has been and how blessed Ben and I are, I haven’t really done anything for myself. I’m lost.”

“Honey, we all feel like that at one time or another.”

“Yes, but I went on a shopping spree! I never do that!”

Chuckling, she patted my hand in that sympathetic but pitying way. “Honey, after my husband died, I went through the gamut of emotions. I cried the same day I laughed. I spent money on ridiculously tiny spoons from the Home Shopping Network, and I even bought a dog, which I later returned to the shelter when I realized I don’t even like dogs. It’s perfectly normal.”

“But I don’t feel normal. I feel like…”

How did I even describe this?

“It’s not like I’m trying to get through a stage in life. It’s like I’m waking up and realizing for the first time that I’ve always lived my life for someone else.”

She was silent for a moment, then took my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Then I guess we’d better figure out who you are!”

The bright smile on her face was nearly my undoing. She wasn’t judging me, wasn’t telling me to get over it. She was going to help me on my journey.

“Really?”

“You know, I think you might be on to something, and if we’re lucky, we’ll achieve more than one purpose today.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you said Ellie’s been hanging out at the bookstore. I think you might be just what she needs to break the ice and get back into her own shop,” she said with a sly grin.

In a matter of minutes, we made it to the bookstore and stepped inside to the most peaceful atmosphere. I always loved coming in here, and wished I could sit in the chair and relax all day. But I was always in a hurry to get back to the house, to finish the chores for the day. Now, I wanted nothing more than to sit and drink a cup of tea.

But Georgia had other plans in store for me.

“Ellie, dear! How are you today?” she said, rushing over to where Ellie was currently plopped in a beanbag chair.

She startled at the sudden noise, but quickly schooled her features. “Good. Just…”

“Well, Clara and I were just talking about how we needed to freshen up our looks.”

“Oh, you were?” Ellie frowned, twisting her fingers nervously. “Um…Alyssa’s at the store right now.”

“I need your insight.” Stepping forward, I admitted what I hadn’t realized until this moment. Looking down at my tired clothing, I sighed. “I look like my mother. Seriously, I didn’t even realize how…old I was dressing until now. I need a fresh look. A fresh perspective on life.”

“And while you’re helping her, you can also find me a new style. We’ll be the most fashionable older women in town!” Georgia laughed.

“Well, I suppose I could help for an hour.”

“Hey!” Cassidy grinned, coming out of the back with her arms full of books. “Here for a beach read?”

“We have no beaches around here,” Georgia laughed.

“No, but they’re still fun!”

“Um…we’re just heading over to the shop for an hour,” Ellie said nervously.

Cassidy gave Ellie a reassuring smile before turning back to me. “Trying some new styles?”

“I’m reinventing myself.”

“Man, I love reinventing myself! I’ll be over when the shop closes, if you’re still there.”