Page 3 of If I Didn’t Have You

“Brody on the mountain again tonight?” he asked as he made her drink.

“Yes,” she sighed. “Some tourist got lost up there, and he’s on the rescue team.”

“It could be worse.”

“In what way?” Georgia asked me.

“Well…he could be at your house, asking you to cook him dinner,” I laughed.

JR narrowed his eyes suspiciously at me, then walked away, but Georgia laughed along with me.

“I take it you’re having a rather rough night yourself,” she nodded to Willa.

Sighing heavily, I decided to confide in my friend. It wasn’t often that I complained, but this growing restlessness inside was making me uneasy.

“Do you ever feel like the woman you once knew is long gone?”

“All the time,” she snorted, taking a sip of her drink.

“I was standing at the counter tonight doing the dishes, and of course, Jeff and Ben were arguing in the background about this situation with Austin. And as I was washing the dishes, I couldn’t help but wonder where my life has gone.”

“Oh, trust me. I hear you on that one.”

I noted how she played with the pearls around her neck, delicately running her fingers along each bead. I knew they were special to her, given as an anniversary present, but I couldn’t help but blurt out the most insensitive thing I could think of.

“Since when did we become women who wore pearls and talked like old ladies?”

“Hey!”

“Oh, you know it’s true. You’re always ready with baked goods when Josie brings your orders. You have tea and scones waiting every week!”

For just a moment, she looked affronted by my comment, but then she nodded.

“And me! Do you know how many times I’ve caught myself telling my kids to watch their language? I sound just like my mother!”

“There’s nothing wrong with correcting grammar.”

“There is when you do it so often that you sound like an English teacher. Honestly, I was so desperate for Liam and Bailey to get together that I made them go on their first date at my house! Who does that?”

She hid a wince behind her glass, but I caught it. “And you did show up with the preacher while they were naked.”

“I know! I’m a busybody. I get so involved in my children’s lives that I forget about my own.” I looked down at Willa, trying to find the same joy I used to. “And tonight, I just wanted a drink. I came out, hoping my daughter would commiserate with me, and instead, she shoved my granddaughter into my arms. And while I love her, I just wanted a night where I wasn’t somebody’s grandma or mother. Is that really too much to ask?”

“No, but I doubt anyone around this town will ever see us the way we want them to.”

Here we were, two ladies at the bar, drinking away our sorrows. And tomorrow, we would go back to the same situation. There were still chores to be done and meals to be made.

Downing the rest of my wine, I twirled the stem of my wine glass, staring at the bar top for answers that would never come.

“I think sometimes I made a huge mistake with my life.”

“Clara, you have a beautiful family, and that man of yours is nothing to sneeze at.”

“I know,” I sighed. “But sometimes I wonder if it’s really enough. We only have one life, and it’s quickly slipping away.”

“Only if you let it.” She took another sip of her drink. “Oh, listen to me. I sound like one of those wise women, doling out advice when I can’t take my own. I’m drinking at a bar because I’m worried about my son. Let’s face it, Clara. We’re two middle-aged biddies on our way to becoming old biddies.”

Old biddies. That’s what we were going to become. Nothing but the old ladies around town who gossiped about our neighbors, shoved our noses in our children’s business, and baked bread.