Page 57 of If I Didn’t Have You

Shaking her head at me, she came over and pulled my hair out of the clip, letting it fall around my shoulders. “You have such beautiful hair, but you always pull it up. Maybe you should go shorter. You know, pixie cuts are all the rage right now.”

“I hardly think I could pull that off.”

“I don’t know, I think it might look cool on you. And it’s only hair, Momma. It’ll grow back if you don’t like it.”

A twinge of excitement rushed through me at the idea of doing something so drastic. “But aren’t I too…boring for something like that?”

“We’ll get you something edgy. It’ll be really cool. And we don’t have to go with a classic pixie. We can shave your head on the sides, and then you can have a slightly longer top.”

“Shaved sides?” I laughed. “My, my. You really are trying to embarrass your mother.”

“Not embarrass—give you something to make you feel better.”

I shook my head, trying to remember what my mother would say. She didn’t even like it when I got my ears pierced. “You know, there used to be a time when I would have tried anything just to defy my mother.”

“You don’t ever talk about her.”

“Because your grandmother and I didn’t get along. She didn’t like your father. She thought he wasn’t good enough for me.”

“Well, you proved her wrong.”

Sadness filled me at her words. I proved her wrong for a while, but Ben and I were falling apart. I wasn’t sure how to put us back together.

“Momma, you have to live for yourself, not for anyone else.”

“Including your father?” I chuckled.

“Especially him. No man should ever dictate your life.”

There was a fierceness to her tone that stirred something deep in my soul. Though I imagined her attitude had more to do with Willa’s father than anything, she was absolutely right. If I wanted to cut my hair, I should do it. Ben could like it, or he could lump it.

“Then I suppose we should get to town and see what Riley can do with my hair!”

She let out a squeal, then jumped and threw her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “Oh, Momma, you’re gonna love it so much. And when we’re done, we can swing by Jack’s shop and get you a piercing.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I held up my hand. “Slow down, there. Don’t you think a haircut is enough for one day?”

“Nope. We need to get you a helix to match your sassy new cut.”

I had no idea what a helix was, but one thing I knew for sure, I was ready for this.

“Let’s start with the haircut and see how we end up.”

But by the time we got to Hair She Goes, I wasn’t so sure I was ready for any of this. As my hair hung around my shoulders, and Lizzy went on and on to Katie about what style I wanted, all I could think about was Ben’s reaction when he saw all my long hair completely gone.

My stomach churned with indecision, and just about the time she started tugging my hair up, showing me how it would look at different lengths, I had already talked myself out of it.

“I think you’ll look fabulous!” Katie gushed.

“You’re in your twenties,” I pointed out. “A cut like this on you would look amazing, but me?”

“Age is just a number. The key to any pixie cut is confidence. You have to own it, and if you do, everyone will see the woman you really are.”

I almost believed her—desperately wanted to—but Ben’s angry face was all I could see when I looked in the mirror. He always said he loved my hair. The first few years we were together, he constantly ran his fingers through the long strands. I fell asleep that way dozens of times. Nothing was more soothing in all the world, but it had been years since he’d done something like that.

“Trust me,” she leaned in, whispering in my ear. “It’ll look fabulous.”

I was just about to tell her that no matter how fabulous it might look, I wasn’t ready for such a major change, when the door opened and Mrs. Walker strode through with Mrs. Sellers.