Page 61 of If I Didn’t Have You

“Rob’s making breakfast right now. You’re going to eat everything he puts in front of you, and then you’re going to tell me why you would tell half the town that being married is a life sentence.”

“Say what?” My head snapped up at her words. My head hurt like hell, but I wasn’t so messed up that I didn’t understand the meaning behind her glare.

“You don’t remember? It’s a shame. I’m sure it’s already made its way to Mom by now. So, what’s your next step?”

Next step? What the fuck was she talking about?

Sighing, she took the glass from me and stalked away, shouting over her shoulder, which only hurt my head.

“Dad, you are never gonna win Mom back the way you’re going. Pretty soon, you won’t even have the ranch, because Mom will win it in the divorce.”

She was right about that. Fucking up was becoming my greatest skill, and while I didn’t remember saying the words marriage is a life sentence, I had no doubt it left my lips.

“Fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I muttered.

“Then it’s a good thing you have me,” she smiled, sitting down next to me. “Your sons are absolutely useless. What you need is a woman’s perspective.”

I huffed out a laugh at that. “I don’t need you to turn me into a woman.”

“That’s not what I mean. Liam and Michael are pissed at you for the way you’re treating Mom, and Jeff doesn’t want to get on anyone’s bad side.”

“Which leaves you,” I muttered.

“Be happy you have me. I’m about the only one in the family who understands you.”

I shot her a sideways glance, not believing for one damn minute that this girl understood a thing about me. “Yeah? Tell me all about who I am and what I’m feeling.”

I meant for it to sound sarcastic, but in my pathetic state, it just came out tired and ragged.

“You didn’t fail the family or your dad. You feel like you failed Mom. And without the ranch to tell you who you are, you don’t know how to fix anything. So, you sit around every day, wondering how to make it better. But the truth is, you can’t make it better. The ranch, in the sense that it was, is gone, and it’s not coming back. The glory days are over.

“And if the life you built for the two of you is gone, what more can you offer the woman you love? You’re nothing but a failure because you’re too old to start over. There’s no city close enough to find a job that’ll pay anything, and you don’t have any skills but ranching. And if your own ranch failed, no other ranch would hire you to work on theirs.”

“Why don’t you say it like you mean it,” I muttered.

“And on top of all that, your wife no longer worships the ground you walk on. She’s fed up with you, and you’re wondering how long until she walks out the door and leaves you in the dust. So, maybe it would be easier if you just opened the door and nudged her through. At least then you could be in misery on your property without feeling like a complete and utter failure.”

She cocked her head at me with a grin. “Have I got any of it right?”

Out of all my children, I should have known that Krista would be the one to not only put me in my place, but try to drag me out of the flames I’d started. We were more alike than I ever realized, and now I was never more grateful to have such a strong daughter by my side.

“So, if what you say is true, is there any hope for me?”

She shrugged, getting to her feet. “Honestly, I don’t see much hope. It’s been five years and you haven’t done a damn thing to change your situation. And if Mom has already kicked you out of the house, and it took you all of five seconds to bash her to the whole town, I’m not sure how you could possibly salvage this.”

I ran a hand over my tired face, hating myself even more than before. I couldn’t believe I would be such an ass in front of everyone, and worse, hurt my wife so deeply.

Clara had always had a well of emotions, and while I was nothing but a stick in the mud, there was nothing greater than seeing how hard she loved.

And I’d gone and thrown that all away.

“I can’t lose your mother,” I finally admitted. “Without her, I’m not sure who I am.”

“Not good enough.”

My head snapped up, and anger boiled in my gut. “Not enough? What more do you want?”

“It’s not enough to want Mom back. That won’t fix the problems you two have.”