Page 27 of Just for the Season

Then he turns to me, and I say hurriedly, ‘I’ll see you to the door,’ so that he doesn’t have to drop any kisses anywhere near me.

And then I stand up, and Marcus, his kids and I all exit the room. I pull the door closed behind us so Gran won’t be able to hear the sounds of us not kissing, and then walk them to the front door.

‘Would you like me to do some fake kissing sounds for you?’ whispers Ruby, giggling.

‘That’s a very kind offer,’ I tell her, ‘but Gran won’t be able to hear through the closed door.’ And then I turn to Marcus. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you, I owe you so hugely,’ I say, before basically shoving the three of them outside.

I do not want to go back in and see Gran and be grilled further on my ‘relationship’. She had a lot of questions before, over lunch, which Ellie very kindly helped me bat away with innocuous nothings, and now she’s seen Marcus and me together she’s only going to have more to say. I do love her very much, though, and it will be very good to be able to spend more time with her.

I’m so annoyed with myself for having been stupid enough to make up this ridiculous story.

Okay. I’m doing it. I’m going back in.

‘Marcus is such a delight.’ Gran gets going almost before I’m fully inside the room. ‘You two are so lovely together.’

‘Thank you.’ I feel like such a villain. Lying is awful.

I should have owned up first thing this morning. Now, though… Now I really can’t.

‘It will be so nice to see the two of you together at my party,’ Gran continues. ‘It’s perfect timing that you’re going to be in Milbury for a while. It will be so much easier for us all to plan the party together. Marcus too.’

‘Marcus too,’ I echo miserably.

‘Let’s start with the theme,’ Gran commands. ‘Do we think Halloween, or Bonfire Night, or a mix of the two?’

Her birthday is the second of November, and she loves a party, so we’ve done a lot of both over the years.

Gran doesn’t give Ellie or me time to formulate an opinion; she immediately continues with: ‘I think a mix would be perfect. Everyone must come dressed for Halloween but we’ll have fireworks. And for the food we can have both Halloween and Bonfire Night themes, so that we won’t run out of ideas. I already have the church hall booked.’

We spend the next hour talking everything Halloween–Bonfire Night mashup party, and I do have to say that while I’m still – even this late in the afternoon – hungover, and my brain isn’t working quite as usual, party planning is very good for taking my mind off my longer-term no-home-no-job situation and my very short-term fake Marcus issue, and I’m actually feeling quite cheery when we say goodbye to Gran just before six, to go back to Ellie’s for an early supper given that it’s a school night for her and Jack.

When Ellie says that, I have to push away the thought that while it might be a school night for them, I have absolutely nothing on tomorrow, or the next day. Or the next. For basically ever. I needed to lie low last week, doing not much, just wallowing, but I feel like I should actually get on with life now. I’m just not quite sure how, as in what am I going to do?

* * *

I make myself get up at seven thirty the next morning, to say goodbye to the others when they leave for school, because lying in bed is not going to solve my problems, and I don’t want to descend into an unhealthy way of life.

What am I going to do, though?

Okay. I’m going to get fit. I haven’t been doing enough – any – exercise recently because I’ve been working such long hours.

Half an hour later, I’m back from a run, lungs on fire and feeling as though I’m about to vomit but knowing that I’ll feel a lot better from the exercise (once I’ve recovered). It’s still barely later than 8 a.m. though. There’s so much of the day left.

Okay. It’s okay. It will be fine.

I take a long shower.

I paint my nails.

I sit down at my laptop and try to think hard about alternative careers.

I do a bit of party planning.

I do a couple of levels of my favourite phone game, but my heart isn’t in it. It’s only fun when you have something else you should be doing.

I text Ellie and tell her that I have dinner covered and then I drive to the big Tesco three miles away and buy all the ingredients for a coq au vin and an apple crumble.

I clean the already-clean kitchen to within an inch of its life and then do the bathroom.