Page 88 of Just for the Season

‘A beautiful day,’ I observe eventually. It is. It’s chilly in the shade but warm in the sun, and the almost bare trees are very striking against the clear sky. I’d rather think about the weather than about Marcus.

‘Lovely,’ he agrees, before we revert to silence.

Halfway up the hill, Marcus stops walking and says, ‘So.’

‘So?’ I stop too.

‘I love you,’ he says. ‘Thank you for helping with Ruby last week.’

‘Anyone would have helped,’ I say, eyes narrowed at the unnecessary I love you, which I’m going to ignore. ‘And, also, no need to thank me again. Thank you for the lovely card and flowers.’ He sent them the day after.

‘Thank you for talking to her about your mum.’

‘I thought I should. I hope I didn’t overstep the mark. I feel like there are parallels and I didn’t want her to grow up feeling as though it was her fault her mother didn’t want to live with her. Better to work things out at fourteen than thirty-five.’

‘Well, it was very kind of you.’

‘Honestly no problem. Why did you want to go for a walk?’

‘Because I love you.’

I don’t reply, because, honestly, what a stupid thing to say in this situation.

‘What I mean is…’ He takes a step forward and I cross my arms over my chest and take a step backwards. ‘Ruby told me that she was being selfish and she understands that me loving you doesn’t take away from me loving her and Sam.’

‘Oh-kay,’ I say slowly. I can’t totally process what’s happening here, because I’m not exactly sure what he’s saying.

‘I feel,’ he says, ‘as though I’m on the brink of really, really messing this up.’

I nod. I feel that too, although I don’t actually know why he even brought me here.

Marcus clears his throat.

‘We have had what felt to me quite an intense relationship, and we did it entirely upside down. Like we started by announcing it, and… yeah. I mean, obviously I don’t need to summarise it for you.’

I nod.

‘Yep,’ he says. ‘Still on the messing-up brink.’

I nod again.

‘Okay. Really, all I want to say is: would you like to go out on a real date with me? Not a fake one? A real one. A not-for-show one. A real, private one, just for us. And see where we go from there? With – I have to be honest – a very big hope on my side that we will end up in a very serious, long-term relationship, because, as I might have mentioned before, I love you very, very much.’

I frown. This is everything I wanted from Marcus. Except… I don’t know.

What if it happens again, him splitting up with me? What if… Well, I don’t know. What if, really, I’m not that lovable and he won’t want to stay in a relationship with me? If we start one.

Marcus interrupts my thoughts.

‘I’ve done this all wrong. Could we just go round here?’ He leads me through some trees into a little clearing and I gasp.

There’s a check-cloth-covered table with a chair on each side of it, and in the middle of the table is one of Simon’s carrot cakes, with two plates, plus a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

‘Oh my goodness,’ I say.

‘I wanted to make an effort. Full disclosure: Simon helped. I texted him straight after I left the café.’

I nod, pleased at the explanation; that’s why Simon was on his phone in my hour of need.