Page 170 of Halo

It can't be happening.

My eyes drift toward the altar as bitterness and disdain crawls up my throat.

“Fuck you.” The words come out broken. “Hasn't she had enough? Seriously, what more do you want from her?” I wipe my face with the back of my hands. “This is why people don’t believe in you. I might deserve this, but she doesn't.”

The silence that follows is suffocating.

I can't be here.

I shove myself off the pew, nearly catching my foot on the kneeler as I stumble into the aisle.

“Nick—”

“I need to get out of here.” I push past Jonathan, barely registering his hand reaching for me as I make for the door.

“Nick, wait …” Jonathan calls after me. “We don’t know what the pathology will show.”

I swing around and face him. “Do you believe that’s comforting? Do you?”

He drops his gaze

“This isn’t her first battle with cancer, Jon. And now they open her up and find disease everywhere, and you want me to sit here and pretend my brain isn’t going exactly where yours would?” I drag both hands through my hair and pace away from him. “God, imagine if that were Tate on the table!”

A low growl tears from my throat as I turn and pace back, gripping my hair hard enough to sting.

“I just told her I loved her.” I scoff, but it comes out wet and broken. “I wasted so much fucking time being scared of saying it.” I scrub both hands over my face. “If I’d known … I would’ve told her the first goddamn day I met her.”

I turn away again, my head drops between my shoulders.

Jonathan closes the distance between us, puts a hand on the back of my neck, and stays there while I cry.

Chapter 43

Leah

Idon't belong here.

This is what remains when darkness itself has been consumed. It's not the absence of light, but the absence of the possibility of light. The place where even shadows go to die.

It's … something else—and yet absolutely nothing at the same time.

There's no trace of a life before this, no impressions, no footprints.

Only memories.

Is this what happens when you die?

Is this death?

I thought there'd be light, a tunnel that leads to everlasting joy.

No more tears.

No more pain.

No more fear.

Except that's all I feel.