Page 33 of Halo

The gesture is like a punch to the gut. This is my fault, isn't it? Our history has reduced her to this, to having to prove her fidelity over and over again.

Tatum catches me staring—and chuckles sardonically. “Oh, stop, Crawford.”

“What?”

“It's not what you think.” She takes a seat. “He trusts me. This is just a small way for me to show that I choose him.”

A small smile pulls at my mouth. We might have a complicated history that people don't understand, but I'm happy my friends found their way back to each other.

“So what's wrong? Is it your mama?”

I shake my head. “No, no. She's fine.”

Tatum hugs a knee, relaxing back on the patio furniture.

I hesitate. “I … I'm a dad.”

“Okay …” She slowly nods. Then her eyes widen. “Oh my god. You're not talking about Maddie, are you?”

I blow out a shaky breath as the threat of tears builds behind my eyes. I anxiously dry my sweaty palms against my shorts as I stare out to the horizon of the city. “I have a son … Grady.” I glance back over to my friend, breathing out a watery chuckle. “And he's pretty great.”

A soft smile pulls at her lips. “Tell me more about him.”

For the rest of the evening, I share about my meeting with Tiffany, my unexpected introduction to my son—and our limited interaction on the playground. We fall into laughs about Grady's response to my accent right around the time Jonathan rejoins us with a tray of meats and cheeses.

“So—” Tatum finishes her bite of a cracker—“how are you feeling about all of this?”

I wipe my mouth with a napkin. “A lot. I'm pretty upset with how much time I've already missed with him.” I sigh. “I'm trying to be understanding, but I'm pretty fucking pissed at Tiffany for not telling me.”

“I think that's fair,” Tatum says.

“I agree.” Jonathan nods, feeding a piece of pepperoni to the dogs. “It's good to see things from her perspective, but that doesn't take away the validity of your feelings. You're allowed to be angry. How could you not?”

“Yeah, maybe.” I pick at a cube of swiss cheese. “I guess it just feels like I don't have that right. Fatherhood is such a gift, and … well, I don't exactly deserve it—”

“Whoa. Says who?” Tatum asks.

I shake my head, embarrassed to admit this to her. Again. She knows better than anyone. I tried being a family man once before, but the moment things took a difficult turn, I folded. She needed an anchor, and I was a coward and left. The damage from that mistake is something I'll carry for the rest of my life.

My throat tightens. “I don’t know … I'm not sure if I can even do this.”

Tatum scoffs. “Do you even hear yourself?”

I groan, hanging my head in my lap.

“I'm serious.” She comes over and sits next to me. “You just found out—what? Maybe five hours ago that you have a son, and you already want the best for him. You already sound like a father.”

“Yeah, but what if I fuck this up?” I rake my fingers through my hair. “I can’t, Tate. I can’t do that again.”

Her expression softens. “You know, you eventually have to stop punishing yourself over what happened. We will never forget the collateral damage of our mistakes, but …” She sighs. “You can’t keep letting it define who you are as a person.”

“Do you really believe that?” I ask, considering her words.

She chuckles, glancing over at her husband. “I think the fact that we’re even sitting here together is proof of that.” Jonathan and I share a knowing glance before she continues. “But this is so much bigger than you getting another chance. This is about giving Grady a fighting chance. You’re so focused on whether or not you deserve this opportunity … doesn’t Grady deserve to have his father in his life? Doesn’t he deserve to have you?”

Of course, he does. My son deserves the world.

“If I may interject …” Jonathan sets down his drink. “You don’t need our approval. I understand the need for reassurance, but just because you’re scared doesn’t mean you're incapable.”