Page 84 of Keeping it Local

We all worked side by side trimming the overgrown shrubs and packing them into bags the next couple hours without saying much. This was the most time I’d spent with my whole family outside of holidays in a couple years. No one gave my presence a second glance though, to my relief. Ryan was right. We definitely got done with everything much faster with three of us, and I was glad to help my brother out.

When we finished up, we all headed to the back deck and sat on the patio set. The girls were in the house putting together sandwiches, and Kinsley giggled as Oberon kept grabbing her toys and chasing her around. Even after only a month, she seemed to move so much better than over the Fourth.

I leaned back in my chair, sipping my second coffee of the day, and enjoying the faint breeze that blew through the backyard. Ryan lived in a small bungalow. All the houses close together, and there were giant oak trees that shaded everyone’s yards, creating a sense of privacy despite the close neighbors.

It was a similar neighborhood to the one I’d grown up in, yet completely different from my place in Port St. Clair.

“So, you going to tell us what’s going on?” Ryan smirked at me, taking a sip of the coffee he was still working on.

I paused, looked at my brother, then to my dad, then back again.

My dad, sensing my hesitance, stood up. “I can give you some time.”

“No, no, just sit.” I grabbed Dad’s arm, holding on tight. “Please stay. It’s fine. It’s… well, it’s not fine, but I want it to be.”

I took a deep breath, then proceeded to tell Ryan and my dad about the summer, about the festival, and all about Beth. Plus, my complete screw-up at Starlight Night and running into her yesterday, along with the news of her moving back. Of course, Ryan knew some of this already, but he was able to fill in the blanks with what I shared.

“I miss her.” I ran my hand down my face, scrunching my eyes. “I want her back. I need her back. I just don’t know what to say, what to do.”

“Do you want to take this or should I?” my brother asked my dad, rocking back in his chair.

I knew they were close. They’d stayed close and grown closer when I left town a few years ago, but as I watched them communicate through only a glance at each other, I felt a ball of regret and jealously in my gut. I no longer had that closeness with my dad, and I wished things were different.

Ryan raised his eyebrow at Dad, and Dad cleared his throat, turning back to me.

“It sounds like you really like this girl.”

I huffed out, leaning forward onto my knees, looking at him. It felt weird but also strangely familiar to talk like this with my dad—almost as if no time had passed. I nodded. “I love her. She’s… different. I fucked up though. I need to fix it.”

They sat there, watching me, knowing I was figuring out how to put it into words.

“When I saw her yesterday, it was like a freight train knocked me over. I just don’t know how to do it.” I shook my head. “Every relationship I’ve ever been in, everyone I’ve ever been close with, I’ve messed it up. They’ve walked away. I wasn’t enough for them. I just shut down when I saw her with that guy—just like I did last time. It took me right back to when I found out about Anne and what’s-his-name. I just couldn’t do it. I was scared.” I paused, scuffing my feet. “I don’t want to be scared anymore.”

My dad leaned forward, matching my stance with his elbows balancing on his knees, his hands crossed in between. “It’s okay to be scared, son.”

The silence was thick. I couldn’t remember the last time my dad and I opened up with each other, and it felt like we were on the precipice of something.

He continued, “Some of the best things that happened in my life started because I made a choice when I was scared.”

He and Ryan exchanged a look, like they were in this club that I was yet to be a part of but one they were inviting me into.

“So, what does that even mean?” I asked, not sure how to navigate this new territory with my dad.

“You tell her. You go to her, and you tell her. You meet her where she is,” he said.

I shook my head. “I already did that.”

“No,” Ryan chimed in. “You happened to run into her at the store and texted her a few times. Not the same thing. You need to show up for her. Meet her where it matters. And be real with her.”

“It’s the only way,” my dad said. “I don’t think I ever told you boys this, but when your mom and I were dating, we broke up for a while.”

Both Ryan and I snapped our heads to look his way.

“What?” we both asked at the same time.

“I was dumb and young, and I thought I was missing out on something. I was a mess after my previous divorce. Hell, I didn’t know what I really wanted—what I really needed—until she was gone.” He clicked his tongue. “When I finally figured it out a few weeks later, I made it all about her. On her grounds, on her terms, and I told her how I felt. Been together ever since.”

My dad never talked about things like this, and it made me start to feel more normal, realizing that he was only human too.