Page 30 of Cries of Cassie

"Fucking Jake," I growl, white-knuckling the neck of my beer.

I ignore Koa's quiet snort and continue glaring at Jake over my woman's shoulder. They've been chatting animatedly for over an hour now while everyone else participates in family game night. Well, mostly everyone. I can't enjoy myself when my woman is over there smiling with a club brother who isn't one of my partners.

I've done a good job of holding myself back from being the possessive asshole we all know I am. She doesn't want that right now. I'm probably the last person she wants hanging around her. Well, me and Parker. I don't know what crawled up that fucker’s ass in the past few days since he followed her home, but damn is he awful to be around.

Honestly, I'm still fucking reeling from everything that's come to a head. I can't believe all these damn years I pushed her away have been flushed down the damn drain. She's been here for almost a week. The more I see her fitting in and enjoying her time in the club, the worse I fucking feel about everything I've done. What if I had let her in years ago?

I'll never say it out loud, but the guys were right. I should have told her the truth a long ass time ago. The coward's way out was too easy. Break things off with the girl and shove my feelings for her down as far as I could.

It was so simple. Keep her safe by not being with her.

I figured breaking her heart would hurt less than the possibility of her being tortured by my enemies. I'd rather she be sad than dead. And it worked for a very long time.

But did it?

Maybe if I had just stayed away the whole time while I cleaned up shop. But it's taken so much longer than I thought it would to cut ties with my cousin. It seems like a logical thing, right? The way I missed her in the months between falling into bed together for a few hours...I've never yearned for something or someone so much.

Keeping her safe was the only reason I left her. I was selfish and took what scraps I could. I'm not a good man. There was no way I could have just gone on with my life like part of my soul wasn't fucking missing.

So no. I'm not a knight in shining armor who makes the hard choices and gives up the girl. There was never any giving her up because I had a plan. She would have been mine again no matter how long it took to make my life safer for her. I just can't believe how hard it's been to break free.

Now it's all fucked. I don't know how to be what she needs at this point. She has surprised me every day since she's been here, making me question all the choices I've ever fucking made. I never thought she'd enjoy hanging out here. Also, her interest in learning about the bikes has given me pause. Not to mention her ability to sneak out without us knowing right away...I have more grey hairs than I did seven days ago.

The threat is even bigger now that she's here, and I should focus on that. The fact that Victor has been silent is a big red fucking flag.

As much as I need to keep my attention on the war that's brewing, I'm anxious to repair the damage I've done to my relationship with Cassie. She's already thriving here, and damn it, I want to be a part of it even if it baffles me. But how? How do I get her to let me in like she's already done with Koa and Ripley?

They're so good with her from the bits I've seen. Shit, I really need to start spending more time with her so I can maybe figure out what she wants. Do I know her well enough to get her to fall in love with me again? Clearly not if I had no clue she truly had been interested in the Shadows. Plus she scowls at me every chance she gets.

"Are you going to tell her?"

Glancing at Koa for half a second, I see he's also staring at Cassie. My attention snaps right back to her, and I swear I have her scent committed to memory. Strawberries and vanilla...

Swallowing, I adjust my hard-on. "Tell her what?"

"That you love her," Koa says so matter-of-factly that I flinch. I don't flinch. Ever.

I've lied and said many times that Cassie's nothing to me, yet I can't get the words out of my mouth to deny Koa's statement. I love her with all of my being just like I do them.

Koa tries a different angle to get me to talk. "Do you plan on bridging the gap between the two of you?"

Parker snorts and kicks his feet up onto the coffee table. "How the hell would he do that? He's been using her as a⁠—"

"I swear to fucking hell, if you call her a cum bank, I'll kick you out of the fucking house for a goddamn month, you motherfucker," I spit, already feeling an angry sweat break out on the back of my neck. He's on my last fucking nerve.

The sweetest scent cools my boiling rage, only for envy to replace my feelings as Cassie plops her sexy ass down on Koa's lap, much to his surprise and delight. Lucky bastard wraps his arms around her and kisses the side of her neck.

This is what I lack. The ability to just cuddle and be peaceful. I don't think I have a peaceful bone in my body, and that seems to be what she gravitates toward these days. Her connection to Ripley is a conundrum that I'll need to study some more.

"Is swearing multiple times in a sentence a requirement to be part of your club?" she asks, voice a little twinkly instead of tight like it usually is.

A quick check over where she was sitting with Jake tells me she had two beers and Jake left. Is she ready for bed?

If Ripley weren't in the dungeon taking care of the latest issue, he would have her tucked into bed already, I bet. Damn, he was so pissed he couldn't hang out with her tonight like he planned.

Studying her slightly lidded eyes, I lean forward and grab hold of her knee. See? I can be gentle. Guilt grips my heart and squeezes painfully when she frowns at the contact, but she doesn't stiffen, which is nice. There once was a time she welcomed my touch.

"Are you tired?" I ask softly, though it's hard to mute the gravel tone from my voice. I want to squeeze her thigh and snatch her from Koa, but she chose him, so I'll hold back.