Page 32 of Cries of Cassie

"For the love of—" she growls, cutting herself off. Zipping around on her heel, she takes off toward our home at a brisk power walk. Not checking to see if I'm following, she continues her rant. "Cut the fucking crap with the sweet-talking, hesitant words and soft touches. I don't need you to suddenly start treating me like I'm fucking fragile because I'm not. I've survived you, haven't I?"

Damn. Is that relief I feel?

"For the record, you were never sweet and gentle when we were dating, and I loved you then. The Maddy I let into my heart never would have let me go back there. You would have pulled me closer and kissed me."

"You looked afraid!" I snarl, my legs working hard to keep up with her.

"Because being around you brings back all the good memories, and I'm terrified of falling just to wind up hurt again!"

"You won't ever be hurt again," I growl, but she talks right over me as we reach the porch.

"So please, for shit’s sake, I can't handle you trying to be something you're not to try to win me back. If that's what you're doing," she tacks on, running up the steps now.

"If that's what I'm doing? Of course that's what I'm fucking doing!" I shout, rushing after her. I've seriously fucked this up.

"Then stop being someone you're not!" she screams, yanking the front door open and slamming it in my face.

Chapter Nineteen

Cassie

I'm on the cusp of everything I've ever wanted. The past seven days have proven to me that I belong here. Hell, even the club girls want me here—I'm in a group chat with them. I definitely need to mute them sometimes, but they're really great.

I've heard and read some awful shit about club girls, so I really wasn't expecting them to be nice. I was just hoping they would ignore me when I first got here. Their friendship is more than welcome. Thank hell Maddy doesn't have vicious women looking to rip my tits off.

Jake and Ticket have become my favorite men to hang out with. They don't handle me like a grenade or give me whiplash like the men I'm living with do.

As infuriating as the four presidents are, I feel like the only thing that's missing from my life is them when they're not around. Which makes my heart hurt every damn day because Spider and Maddox avoid me at all costs.

Last night was the first time Maddy had intentionally been around me. Of course it ended in disaster, but what the fuck does he think he's going to accomplish by being fake?

The softness of his touch and hesitancy to be the man I love infuriates me. How could he possibly think I want that when he has for sure seen me loving life here in the Shadows compound?

I'm not going to run screaming. Surviving his cruelty over the years is a testament to that. So how dare he? It's ridiculous. I'm pissed and should want him far away from me, but when he released me on the sidewalk last night, it felt like a rejection. Again.

What will it take for him to give me all of himself? The possessive, dominant, overbearing alpha male that he is is everything I could ever want in a man. Now there are four who have those qualities plus some extras that draw me in.

Koa's easy humor and ability to move through any kind of situation are amazing. The sheer intensity of Ripper is a total aphrodisiac. Then there's Spider's quiet vulnerability that he thinks he hides so well. And Maddy? Well, he's the man who stole my heart when I was twenty-five.

Fuck, over seven years and I still can't move on. Could I live here as a Shadows member without being his? Theirs. I'd like to think I'm strong enough to live with that kind of loss staring me in the eye every day, but the ache in my heart just imagining it makes me miserable.

"Coffee first," I grumble, slipping my tank top over my head.

I'm grateful they gave me a room with an attached bathroom even if they're confusing asses. The sense of privacy allows me to process all the shit that goes on here, and the hot water this morning relaxed some of the tension in my shoulders. There's never a boring moment, that's for sure.

I groan as I catch sight of the time on the clock in the hallway. Since when do I sleep in until eleven?! "Or maybe a beer."

The chill of the stairs feels nice on my bare toes as I pad down quietly. My silence isn't intentional until I come to a quick stop at the bottom of the staircase.

Koa's voice hits me first, and I immediately know what they're talking about. "So, she wants you to be your usual dickish self?"

The confusion in his voice bothers me. Why is it so difficult to understand that I want my men to be fucking genuine?

I huff out a quiet breath in time with a click of glass as silence stretches. Are they all just sitting around talking about me?

That question makes my heart thump harder. If the answer is yes, then I'm about to overhear a very telling conversation. Will their words push me away or give me some reassurance that they want me here beyond my safety?

"Evidently." The deep timbre of Maddy's voice makes me gulp. Does he sound just as confused as Koa? Or resigned? What the hell is he feeling?