Page 21 of A Kingdom of Magic and Rain

“Only if you promise to walk me through what you just did, step by step,” I told him, anxious to get home and practice with renewed vigor.

November 26th

“That one looks like a hare.” Gray pointed to one of the fluffy white clouds. He and I lay next to each other on the soft grass, staring up at the blue sky. “And that one—a fox.”

“Mhmm.” I let out a contented sigh, feeling peaceful and relaxed as the clouds drifted slowly above us. “If you could turn into an animal, which one would it be?”

“You tell me. What do you think?” There were notes of curiosity in his deep voice.

I turned my head to meet his silver gaze. After studying his flawless features for a moment, I smiled. “A black panther.”

He smiled back. “How so?”

“You are a fierce guardian of your domain. Powerful, courageous. Your quiet strength reminds me of the animal. And so do your solitary tendencies.”

“Solitary tendencies? I’m hardly ever alone.” He chuckled.

“You might not be alone, but you’re lonely.”

Soft vulnerability invaded his gaze as he rolled to the side and propped up on his elbow, resting his head on his fist. His long black hair shifted, draping around his shoulders. “I feel less and less lonely with each passing day.” He angled his face down to look at me.

I stared up at him as the air between us became strangely charged. “What animal would I be?” The words came out low and breathy.

“A butterfly,” he replied without hesitation. “Graceful and delicate. A symbol of new beginnings; of transformation.”

“A bringer of joy and peace?” I gave him a skeptical look.

“You are to me.”

My breath caught when he uttered the words. His intent gaze roamed my face for a few seconds before dropping to my lips. He ducked his chin and leaned in closer⁠—

My eyes snapped open, and my gaze focused on Gray sitting before me. We were in our usual spot on the patio, where we had been meeting for coffee and training every morning before breakfast.

“Anything?” he asked, hopeful. When I shook my head, his brows pulled together. “You had such a serene expression on your face, I thought that maybe you had managed to awaken your powers.”

“No, I…” I was just thinking about the dream I had last night. The words almost escaped, but I stopped them. I hadn’t told Gray about my dreams, and I wasn’t sure I should. How would I explain that I had been dreaming about him? In the dream last night, before I had awakened, he was going to kiss me. There was no way I was going to tell him about that. “It didn’t work,” I said instead. “There has to be something else I can try.”

We had been training for two weeks, and I had been failing miserably at harnessing my magic. My powers still lay dormant at the bottom of the well inside me.

“There is something else we can try,” he said to my surprise. “You can try using your emotions to fuel your magical abilities.”

“What do you mean? I thought that if I wished something, my magic would follow.”

“Yes, eventually it will be that easy. In the meantime, until you learn to control your magic, you can use your feelings to bring it forth.”

“Why haven’t you told me about this before?” I asked, searching his face.

“I was hoping that you would be able to awaken your powers without tying them to your emotions. I don’t condone using feelings to shape your magic because it makes it unpredictable but seeing how you’re experiencing resistance…” He trailed off.

“Failing. I’m failing,” I clarified flatly, my hands fisting in the skirts of my cream-hued gown.

He gave me an empathetic look. “Let’s try it.”

“Okay.” I sighed and closed my eyes.

I let my breathing slow and my mind go quiet as I focused on what I was feeling. There was energy moving and flowing inside me, and it wasn’t peaceful. It was volatile as if it were a reflection of the tumultuous emotions shaped by my growing anxiety about the fate of my kingdom. I tried to picture myself gathering that energy and channeling it to the source of the magical powers inside me, but just like for the past two weeks, nothing happened.

My eyes pricked with tears when I opened them again. Gray’s striking features blurred as I gave a small shake of my head. Casting my gaze down to my lap, I took a shuddering breath.