Page 46 of A Kingdom of Magic and Rain

I stood frozen in shock for a moment before I snapped out of it and burst inside the ballroom, expecting to find Adrian and Lady May right on the other side. To my surprise, they were nowhere to be found as I scanned the crowded ballroom.

“Emelin!” Luna exclaimed, separating from a group of friends to come up to me. She drew up short when she neared, and I realized a little too late that I must look disheveled after the kiss Adrian and I had shared on the terrace. “Your eyes…”

“Have you seen Adrian?” I asked her, still searching the crowd.

“No. Wasn’t he with you?” She gave me a knowing look. “I see you took my advice and decided to have fun with him.”

Not in the mood for her jokes, I opened my mouth to retort but was interrupted by Adrian. “Emelin?” he called from behind me.

I whirled around to find him on the terrace. “How did you…”

“I need to speak with you in private.” His gaze darted to Luna before returning to me. “If I may, Your Highness.”

My heart dropped at the use of my title. Adrian was acting strangely, and I had no idea what to make of it. I wasn’t sure why Lady May had seemed upset when she had caught us kissing, or why he had conceded to her instead of brushing her off. I hoped to get my answers when I spoke with him. With a nod, I walked back onto the terrace, leaving puzzled Luna behind in the ballroom.

For a brief second, hope flared in my chest that everything with Lady May had been a misunderstanding, and that Adrian would apologize and tell me that our first kiss hadn’t been our last. Foreboding swiftly replaced the spark of hope when he closed the terrace doors, sealing us away from the ballroom. His mouth was set in a straight line, and a muscle flexed along his jaw as he reluctantly met my questioning gaze.

Silence stretched as he struggled with whatever he needed to say to me.

“Is everything all right?” I finally asked, unable to contain my growing anxiety.

He cast his gaze down. “We have reached the limit of what I can teach you.”

“What?” The question came out in a hushed whisper.

“The wards are failing. It’s of utmost importance that you grow stronger in your magical abilities to help reinforce them. You will be able to accomplish that sooner with a more experienced mentor. Lady May has agreed to take over your training.” He still wasn’t looking at me as he rushed through what appeared to be a speech prepared in advance.

I refused to give in to the rising panic. What he had said made sense. We could still see each other even if I stayed in the capital to train with Lady May. Except, he hadn’t said that part. Was he casting me out of his region and out of his life?

“Look at me,” I demanded with the calm I didn’t feel.

Adrian reluctantly lifted his gaze to mine and delivered the final blow. “Thea, Tom, and I will travel back to Bradford Manor tomorrow. You will remain here.”

I flinched at his words. “Is this truly what you want?” I stared at him, looking for the man who had kissed me earlier. It seemed that man had left with Lady May and never returned.

“It’s for the best,” he said in a detached voice.

Tears rushed in as my chest became tight, as if my lungs were crushed. Then, in the blink of an eye, numbness took over. It was as if a wall had come down around me—a defense mechanism to protect my fragile heart.

I didn’t have to accept the arrangement that Adrian had suggested, but I didn’t see the point in pushing back. The kiss we had shared must have frightened him, exposing the insecurities from his past. Maybe he was right, and this was for the best, for I knew that we wouldn’t be temporary. We stood on a precipice, and once we leaped into the unknown, it would be serious and life-changing, and there would be no turning back. Adrian didn’t want to take the leap.

I didn’t let my tears fall. Instead, I lifted my chin and said, “I understand.” I didn’t understand, not entirely, but I didn’t need to. I needed to focus on my magic, not on the feeling that had begun to bloom in my heart over the past few weeks.

Schooling my features, I gathered the strength to walk away from him. Before I could, something wet hit my face. My brows knitted. I’m not crying.

I wiped the drop away. When I noticed flecks of white on Adrian’s hair, it became clear that it hadn’t been a tear, but a snowflake. We both looked up at the night sky. Snow flurries slowly drifted down, melting on my cheeks and lashes. Seeing the snow sealed my decision. There was no doubt left in my mind, only in my heart.

Sometimes we can’t follow our hearts. We must rely on our heads instead. I recalled Adrian’s words. I held his gaze as I shrugged off his coat.

“Keep it,” he said low when I handed him the garment.

“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t need it.” I didn’t feel the cold on my exposed skin as a different kind of cold invaded my chest, coating my insides with ice. “I don’t need anything from you.”

I walked back into the ballroom, feeling as if I were leaving a piece of my heart behind.

January 4th

Unease stirred in the pit of my stomach when the carriage pulled up in front of Bradford Manor. Two weeks had passed since I had offered my heart to Adrian at the Solstice Ball, and he had shut me down. I had been prepared to fly with him, but he had clipped my wings.