Page 48 of A Kingdom of Magic and Rain

“No, I want to freshen up after the ride,” I told him, not ready to be in the same room as Adrian.

The lord cast a glance at me over his shoulder as if he knew what I was thinking before he disappeared into the parlor with Tom and my father.

Sebastian nodded at me before he, too, walked off.

While Thea and Killian headed upstairs with our bags, I went to the half bath, where I splashed some water on my face in front of the bathroom mirror.

“You can do this,” I said to my reflection. “It’s only one night.”

In only a few hours, I would discover if I was powerful enough to strengthen the wards and help protect my kingdom. Only a few hours…with Adrian in the same house. So close, yet out of my reach. With a rough exhale, I turned the water off and headed to the one place that could still bring me peace during these tumultuous times.

The library was warm and bathed in the soft glow of the fireplace when I walked in. As my gaze swept over the familiar room, images of Adrian and me floated up in my mind. Of us sitting on the sofa together, reading in comfortable silence. Of me painting by the window while Adrian told me about his day, his back propped against the bookshelf. The memories evoked a feeling of regret. It was both regret about how naive I had been back then, hoping for something more, and regret about what could have been if the lord hadn’t pushed me away.

But he had pushed me away. Reminiscing about our times together was pointless. I shook my head to disperse the phantom images of us and headed for the bookshelf to find something to read to take my mind off the painful tightness in my chest. As my gaze glided over the romance titles, I rolled my eyes, not in the mood to read any of them since I didn’t believe in the happily-ever-after at the moment.

“I was hoping to find you in here,” Adrian’s voice drifted from behind me. “It appears some things never change.”

I glanced over my shoulder at him standing in the entrance to the library. He looked confident and poised, and I had to fight the urge to shake him to rattle the stoic facade.

“So it would seem,” I said quickly before facing the bookshelf again.

“How have you been?” I heard him come closer.

“Well. I have been training with Lady May, growing stronger in my magic.”

“Is that why you came back? Are you going to help reinforce the wards tomorrow?” He stopped before the bookshelf.

“Yes. Why else would I return here?” I turned to face him.

“I was hoping you had another reason for coming back.” He met my gaze. “That maybe you wanted to see me.”

I stared at him in disbelief. “See you? Why would I want to see you?”

“Emelin,” he rasped, his features contorting as if he were in pain.

“You told me that nothing would ever change the way you look at me, but then you pushed me away.” The words spilled. I’d had this conversation with him many times in my head during the past two weeks.

“A decision I have regretted every single day since then,” he said vehemently, stepping closer to me.

“What?” I whispered as I took a step back, utterly shocked by his admission.

“I was a fool.” He shook his head as if in disappointment in himself.

His words rendered me speechless as my gaze searched his face. He let me take it all in, not trying to hide anything, and my heart skipped over itself at what I gleaned from his features. He laid it all bare: his hopes and his fears, the regret he had mentioned about pushing me away, and above all else, the deep longing I had glimpsed earlier. His willingness to be this open with me, this vulnerable, brought tears to my eyes. The walls around my heart trembled, but his confession wasn’t enough to bring them down.

“Why did you push me away?” I had to know.

Shadows crept into Adrian’s eyes. “Emelin, I…”

“Emelin,” Thea interrupted as she walked into the library. “Your room is ready.”

Adrian’s intense gaze was on me as he waited to see what I would do. Stay, his eyes pleaded.

Air lodged in my throat. Hadn’t my eyes begged him to stay on the terrace with me on the night of the ball? Yet, he had walked away, leaving me confused and alone, only to come back later to shatter my heart, scattering the pieces on the cold stone floor. As childish as it sounded, I wanted to do the same to him, to return the pain he had inflicted.

“Good night,” I told him, feeling a burst of satisfaction when he flinched.

His face fell and his eyes dimmed as I turned and left the library.