Page 20 of The Tiger in the Sack

I sent a video of Tig sitting inside my empty cereal bowl looking directly at the camera with the look of a creature who had won something and wanted documentation.

Also the pigeon video. I have watched it four times. His commitment is extraordinary.

Cat Daddy

He takes the pigeon situation very seriously. It’s personal at this point.

What did the pigeon do?

We don’t talk about what the pigeon did. #PigeonPooTrauma

The hot dog video though. He was clearly deeply offended.

He’s not going to just eat a sidewalk hot dog.

He’s not going to eat it but he’s going to JUDGE it.

Extensively. Listen, is a hot dog that’s been on the sidewalk still a hot dog.

Is a hot dog ever a hot dog? Hot dogs are sandwiches.

I’m going to need you to say that again.

Hot. Dog = Sandwich. The bun is bread. The dog is filling. It meets the structural definition.

The bun is a single continuous piece of bread hinged at the bottom. That’s not a sandwich. That’s an enclosure.

An enclosure. Like mystery meat prison?

Like a taco. You don’t call a taco a sandwich.

I might.

Cheerleader. No.

It’s a valid classification.

It is not a valid anything. A sandwich requires two distinct bread units. The hot dog bun is one unit. This is not complicated.

So a sub is not a sandwich.

...

The sub roll is also a single continuous piece of bread hinged at the top. By your logic, Subway is not a sandwich restaurant.

I need a minute.

Take your time.

This is the worst thing anyone has ever said to me.

You’re welcome.

Vito would like you to know he finds this conversation distressing.

Tig says the hot dog is a sandwich and also a taco and also its own category and the whole taxonomy needs to be reconsidered from the ground up.

Tig is an agent of chaos and I mean that with respect.