Page 17 of How Does It Feel?

“What do I care what everyone else thinks of me?” he said, keeping his honey-flecked eyes on the forest floor.

“Don’t you get lonely sometimes? I know you have people that are nice to you in town, but . . . did you ever have the urge to get married and settle down? You and Cecelia get on nicely.”

“Me? No, Cecelia is just a friend.” He stopped, seemingly lost in thought. “Once, a long, long time ago, when I was a very foolish young man still living under my parents’ roof, there was a girl. Back then, things were different though. She was from another country, and my family, being influential in the world of academics, believed her family and culture beneath us.” He smiled boyishly at me and ran his hands through his hair. “It didn’t matter in the end, I gave myself completely to work. We were only ever friends anyway, but I still think about her.”

Suddenly my brain flooded with thoughts of myself in Earl’s place forty years from now. Obsessed over my work, mad with it. No family, no loved ones. Only a town full of people who thought I had lost my mind.

My chest suddenly felt hollow. As if all the air had been sucked out. That would be me. I would be crazy Callie.

“You okay? What’s wrong, Cal?” Earl said, grabbing my elbow.

His grip was surprisingly strong for his bony frame.

His wrinkled face was close enough for me to see the gold specks that mingled with the warm honey of his eyes. I was flooded with sympathy as I watched his gaunt face search mine. Thin, wrinkled skin hung down from a jawline that once would have been sharp and masculine in his younger years. He was still handsome, but in the way you thought of when you saw old war photos of your grandpa.

“I just was wondering if we both work too much? Earlier I had thought about buying a new pair of high heels and dressing up. It’s been ages since I got all dressed up, and I don’t know, I was thinking that maybe we both should get cleaned up and have a night on the town.”

Earl chuckled, but the humor didn’t reach his eyes as he watched me thoughtfully. We continued walking a bit before he finally spoke.

“Cal, I think you should get dressed up and go out. You’re young and deserve a night out. That boy Cliff sure seems into you. He must be if he got jealous over an old coot like me taking up so much of your time.” He smiled with a glimmering sparkle in his eyes, seeming to relish in the idea of making a younger Cliff jealous.

“I don’t want to go out with Cliff, I want to go out with you. I just want to have fun for a change, and I believe I would have significantly more fun with you than with Cliff.” I smiled at him so wide I could feel the forest air hit the gums of my teeth.

“Then a night on the town it is. I’m never one to turn down a pretty girl. You pick the day, and I’ll be ready. I’ll even get my hair cut just for you.” Earl chuckled pleasantly. “I know just the—no.”

I abruptly stopped to locate where Earl was and if he was okay.

To my right, about twenty feet near a few deciduous logs, Earl stood, his face frozen and downcast, looking to the ground.

“What is it, Earl? Are you all right? Did you find something?” I asked, feeling my stomach fall to my feet.

His face was frozen. No expression. No movement.

I made it to his side in a moment, only to suck in enough oxygen to fill a hot air balloon.

“They are never far from me, even when I wish they would be,” Earl said as he stared at the perfect white mushroom, and a puzzling expression crossed his face.

“Oh my god, Earl, is this it?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, apparently worried I might spook the mushroom.

When I looked at Earl, I expected to see a big smile on his face staring at the large mushroom.

Instead, regret and misery overlayed his worn features as he stared at me instead.

“Yea, this is it.”

Unsure whether he was sad to be near the fungi that had seemingly haunted his life or possibly the realization that our forays were over now that we had found our prize, I grabbed him into a big hug.

“Thank you so much, Earl! Now we really will have something to celebrate!” I cried as I squeezed him.

He had found it.

I looked around the trees, suddenly hopeful. The lore was that the luna moths and butterflies were drawn to this specific mushroom, and I had begun to suspect that was why they happened to be so concentrated here as opposed to everywhere else.

I saw nothing, but the luna moths were nocturnal and wouldn’t be here yet. I peeked around, unable to stop myself from searching for any other winged creatures but came up empty-handed.

“Yes, I suppose we will. I really have enjoyed spending this time with you so much, Callie,” he said, squeezing me back before he released me.

“Earl, I promise this isn’t the last of our forays.” I moved back to look into his cloudy eyes. “I need more mycelium than this one mushroom as it is. Hey, look! Nothing spooky around here now,” I said confidently.