Page 91 of Can you take it?

Remaining truthful, I nodded.

“And you will take the pendant with you?” I nodded again.

“But why?” she whispered, somewhat exasperated. One of her hands had opened across my chest, which was making it hard to breathe.

“Because I can’t be tied to you here. And if you aren’t will- ing to go to Moirai or the Elysian Fields, then we aren’t able to be together, and mostly I can’t bear to be tied to you and not be with you. It will kill me.”

“You’re already dead,” she said.

“You know what I mean,” I volleyed back.

“Not really. Please give me the pendant.” Her voice was raspy as she ran her hand down my abdomen and back up my chest.

Both my hands found the back of her neck. My fingertips trailed along the sensitive skin under her hair. “Are you trying to seduce me so I hand you the pendant?” I smirked despite myself.

“I’m trying to seduce you so that you stay in Tartarus,” she said with a straight face.

I felt my heart crumple into a lifeless pile at my feet. I removed my hands from her and turned, needing space. I leaned against the wall with one hand, pressing my forehead against it, feeling the cool wall. “Why couldn’t I have met you in the human realm with Cal?” I pleaded when the crumpled-up glob of my heart managed to find words. “Why couldn’t it have been you that I found? Instead of Cal,” I said. Saying Cal’s name reminded me of everything else that was going on, and I realized I’d only relaxed as much as I had because I could feel her presence now. Cal was recovering from whatever had happened, but I didn’t know if the baby had and I couldn’t deal with that right now. Not when I couldn’t do anything about it.

“Because we weren’t supposed to meet then. That wasn’t our time—this is,” she said as if it was the most simple answer in the world.

“You are the daughter of Kaohs,” I stated, also reminding myself. “You’re going to be the Queen of the Underworld!” I raised my hands in the air. “We can’t be together,” I said, finally saying what I’d been trying to avoid this whole time.

“Why not? And don’t you dare try and tell me that you don’t want us! I can feel it,” she shouted angrily.

I hated seeing her upset and frazzled. Anger looked so wrong on her face.

“Because I’m not someone who should be in Tartarus,” I finally said. A flush of embarrassment hit me finally saying the words out loud. “And neither are you, but if you choose to live here, that’s on you. I’m not evil and bad, and I will not remain with the cretins and heathens of Tartarus.” The room felt like it was closing in on me. Every word I said felt sharper, angrier; every ache to touch her felt stronger, more frenzied.

“You called me a heathen before,” she said.

“I meant it sarcastically.” I was silent for a minute.

“Fine. Then we are nothing,” she said, but her words were still thick with need. “Give me the pendant. Please. You know I will not leave Tartarus and will not follow you to the Elysian Fields.”

“I know,” I said. I would have given almost anything for her to leave with me, including the pendant.

“So give me the pendant,” she said, her voice quivering close to tears as she hit her fist against my chest. “Give me the pendant. It’s nothing to you and everything to me!”

I grabbed her wrists to stop her assault. “It’s not nothing to me,” I said. “If I give you the pendant, I will no longer have Cal and Mendax. The tie to Cal will be severed and most likely transferred to you.” My words echoed in the silence. Her wrists relaxed in my grip.

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” she said in a low voice, “you would pick my sister over me.”

“That’s not what this is, Anna. They’re my only connection to anything else. They’re the only thing I have left, my only friends, and I-I can’t be attached to you like that and be in the Elysian Fields!”

“And what are we?” she shouted. “Are we not your friends?” She gestured wide as if Walter, Eletha, and Bexley were in the room with us.

“Of course you’re my friends,” I said.

“Then why can’t you stay with us?” The crack in her voice nearly buckled me. Her eyes closed at the end of her sentence, as if she’d been hoping to not say it out loud.

My chest physically hurt. “I can’t keep doing things for everybody else. At some point, I need to choose what’s good for me. I’m keeping the pendant, and I’m going to the Elysian Fields. I’m sorry,” I stated, hoping it was obvious that was my final decision.

“I thought we might have had something special,” Anna said. “I know you feel it. Don’t you know how rare this is?” She had moved close to my face and all I could focus on was her mouth. “Give me the pendant,” she said softly, running her palm up my chest slowly.

I closed my eyes at the sensation. “Anna, please.”

“Not until you give me the pendant,” she said defiantly. “You’re not the only one who gets to make decisions for them- selves and be selfish.” She ran her hand all the way down to my waistline, pulling my shirt out of where it was tucked in my pants.