Page 64 of A Secret In The Garden

For another minute, we remained in the silence of my bedroom with locked eyes. It felt like the space around us should be crackling with fire.

“I don’t know why I trust you, but I do,” I snapped. “I think you’re capable of horrible things—but I don’t think you’d hurt me.”

“Then come to the balcony with me. Let’s face one of your fears together. Release some of that adrenaline. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you, Eliza,” he said, reaching out and gently covering my vibrating hand with his.

Was I actually thinking about this? It did seem oddly more appealing right now, in my anger. “Okay,” I said apprehensively, waiting for him to guide me to the doors.

When he remained still, I looked up at him in silent question.

“Don’t look at me. This is your move. You’re the one in control of this,” he said in a cocky tone but with reassuring eyes.

He squeezed my hand, and for a quarter of a second, it felt like I could do anything, and he would be there to catch me.

Emboldened, I took a few short steps toward the balcony door before my confidence wavered, and my knees began to shake. I whirled back around, trying to drop his hand, but he refused to let go.

“I can’t. You don’t understand,” I stammered, hating how whiny I sounded. My fear gripped my nerves, reminding me that just because I was upset didn’t mean I’d grown wings and was suddenly unafraid.

“You can. You’re the one who doesn’t understand, Eliza. Take your time; I’m in no rush.”

He took a step closer to me and put his hands on my waist, spinning me around until the balcony doors were right in front of my face. I pinched my eyes closed and grabbed his hands as they remained a firm, steady presence on my waist.

Why was I even thinking about this? This wasn’t going to do anything but give me a heart attack. I knew if I went out onto that balcony, I would fall off it. I could feel it. I wasn’t going to be an idiot and poke fate like that.

“Jasper, I’m not kidding; I can’t even open my eyes right now; I’m going to puke.” I panicked, realizing who I was talking to. He wasn’t afraid of anything. He was seriously going to push for me to do this because, to him, it was stupid, not a valid fear. He didn’t know that if I went out there, fate had already deemed I would fall.

His low, breathy voice was suddenly at the back of my neck and ear. “You’re not going to puke,” he whispered slowly. “We can stay right here like this all night. Open your eyes when you’re ready.”

My fear was momentarily hidden by the tingle in my lower abdomen at the sensation of his body pressed behind me, and his whisper lingered on my skin.

“Jasper…” I whispered in a plea.

I felt a low, pleased sound reverberate from his chest. Had I pushed back on him, or had he pushed closer to me?

My eyes opened, and I tried to recoil. Through the glass of the door, there was nothing but sky and tiny specks of houses clustered together far, far below. I had never seen anything from this high up.

With the comforting pressure of Jaspers’s protective body at my back and the surge of frustrated adrenaline still coursing through my system, I felt braver than I ever had.

So much was out of my control that I was suddenly overcome with the need not to be afraid of something so passive and trivial as the height of a balcony or a ledge.

But as badly as I wanted to do it, and as much as I trusted Jasper, I was afraid.

My shaky hand wiped off the stream of tears still on my cheek and found the gold door handle. I tried to push it down, but my arm was shaking too much to move it.

“You’re shaking like a leaf,” he whispered into the crook of my neck, the sensation causing my eyes to fall shut again.

His hand left my waist to brush back a rogue piece of hair on the side of my neck. The feel of his fingertips grazing my skin and my heightened senses felt almost euphoric, and I found myself breathing heavily for a multitude of reasons.

“Take your time. The view will be there for you whenever you are ready. We can stay like this forever.”

We stayed that way for a while. I was almost able to enjoy the protected view behind the glass with the closeness of Jasper at my back, pressing against me, reminding me he was there.

When the feeling began to dull and thoughts of my mother returned, I suddenly wanted more. I needed to tune her out.

I turned the handle of the door and pulled it open.

A tidal wave of fear doused my momentary bravery as the cool November breeze pushed into the room, moving my hair back from my face and onto Jasper’s chest.

It was too much. I spun back to move away, but Jasper’s large, muscular body blocked me. I curled into his chest, too afraid to do much else.