Page 62 of Her Creation

She struggled to breathe with his closeness, something forbidden tingling across her skin.

“You are not grotesque, and you are not a monster, not really, but we cannot pretend that you are human.” Her back hit the shelves of books behind her as he pressed in even closer to her.

“My goddess, I have already lived a life as a monster, and believe me, this is not how monsters act,” he threatened softly, and goose bumps prickled across her skin. “Why bring me into this life only to take me from it?”

Victoria swallowed, unsure of why her limbs suddenly felt boneless. “It will be painless for you, I’ll make sure of it,” she muttered apologetically, unsure if it was more for him or her.

“I have never feared pain.” He dropped his arms and went back to the table near her desk.

“What do you fear?” she asked, unable to stop herself. “I heard briefly of your previous life. It seems you were quite fearless.” She swallowed the dryness in her throat. “Perhaps had you held a bit more fear, you might not have lost your first life.”

His goldenrod eyes squinted. “I did not lose my life because of a lack of fear. I lost my life because they took from me the only thing I feared losing.”

Their eyes held for a moment. Victoria remembered her father mentioning something about Russia only catching him after luring him out.

“Get on with it then. The longer I am in your presence, the more my soul will fight against death because it will separate us—at least for this lifetime. I’ll find you again. I loathe the thought of leaving you alone and unprotected. Were it anyone else attempting to take me away from you, they would pray to you for mercy as I killed them. Let it be quick, before I start fighting even you, my god.” He lay back on the table, and Victoria watched in fascination at how his muscles contracted and released with his movement.

“Why would my presence matter to you that much? You don’t even know me,” she asked, loneliness tugging painfully under her ribs. She collected the bottles needed from the shelves and moved to him.

His head moved slowly from side to side against the table, but he said nothing.

She set the glass dropper on the edge of the table and calculated how much he would need—it was nearly the full contents.

The man had closed his eyes, and as he lay completely still, Victoria was reminded of the many times when he had been the only reason she had been able to continue on some days. How she had curled her body next to his just to pretend she wasn’t alone.

Had he been a gift to her from God this entire time—and now she would spit in His face by killing that gift? Or was Inno her punishment? The slow poison that would destroy her for going against the natural order.

Her hand shook as she lifted the bottle. She was not going to base her decisions off God after everything he’d taken from her. If there was a God, then her only role was clearly to entertain Him with her misery.

The man looked up from the table, brows pinched in annoyance, but said nothing.

He could be fighting her right now. They both knew he could overpower her. Instead, he lay on the cold stone, fully prepared to hand his life over to a woman he didn’t even know, simply because she told him to.

Was that really a monster?

Not a man in town would treat a woman with such respect. The men Victoria knew were cruel and punishing. They were the monsters—but not this man. She knew that the empty shell of a body that had laid beneath her hand was not him fully, but in the short time of his life, he had done nothing to cause her harm; in fact, with him, she had felt safer and more seen than she had in a very long time.

“How many people have you killed?” she blurted.

He sat up slowly. “Why? Do you need someone handled? All you need do is whisper their name, my love, and it is done.”

“No. I’m trying to understand how dangerous you are. You are clearly very large and skilled. I have seen you move undetected already multiple times,” she answered as she struggled to maintain her composure. How long had she imagined the day Innominatus would look at her? Touch her? Love her?

He nodded. “If you think I am dangerous because I am large and have gone unnoticed, wait until you see what the average-sized man is capable of. But yes, I was once feared for the violence I inflicted for payment; now that I have you, though, I should be feared for what I would do for free.” He shifted his body until he was sitting on the table, his legs hanging over the side. “Sit. Your legs are tired.”

Victoria inspected his face. “How could you possibly know that? Is it my father’s heart that beats in your chest that instructs you to watch out for me? Is it because my own blood courses through your veins too?” she asked in awe as she reached out and grabbed his forearm to inspect the veins that protruded slightly on his hands and arms.

A shock passed through Victoria at the smoothness of his skin. Her eyes went wide as they met his, full of adoration, and she knew she would never be able to kill him. Not now. Not ever.

“You were shifting your weight,” he whispered almost as an afterthought.

“Huh?” she asked, unable to pull her eyes away from his mouth.

“How I knew your legs were tired. You were shifting your weight.”

She nodded, unable to speak. She had gone unnoticed by the entire world for the better part of her life, and this man watched her so closely, so attentively, that he knew her legs were sore.

She sat on the end of the table, her shoulders slumping with a mixture of confusing feelings. “I cannot do it. If you die, it will not be by my hand. I have suffered too much loss to punish myself with the loss of you.”