Page 14 of Only One Tour Bus

The food finally comes, and I inhale the meat pie in front of me. Thank Christ my job has built in exercise in the form of walking all over Europe, because I’ll be eating out for the next twenty days, and truly healthy options aren’t easily available.

Finally, Asha and I handle the checks, and then I get everyone’s attention. “Tomorrow we have a walking tour of Edinburgh Castle and then a trip to a whisky distillery.” Which can turn into an absolute mess, if the fraternity brothers have anything to say about it. So much to look forward to. “Meet at the hotel lobby at eight a.m.”

“You’re not staying?” James asks us.

“We’ll stay for a bit.” Asha nudges me in the side before I can contradict her with an emphatic no. Which is what I had planned on saying before she opened her mouth. “And of course, you can always ask the bar staff here for some suggestions if you want to go out somewhere else. They know more about what’s hip than me, if I’m honest.”

I glare at her for making me spend more time with the tourists, and she winks at me in response. You really can’t dampen sunshine. Not without more effort than I’m putting in, at any rate. Or going further than even I would want to. We’ll see if she cracks by the end of the tour.

But I guess I’m staying for a drink now.

One drink, which turns into three. I’m surprised that it isn’t that bad. Louis and Brian are actually interested in history and pretty knowledgeable in it, so I chat with them about Henry VIII’s dissolution of monasteries. Their son Jack gets bored with us, and leaves to chat up Virginia away from their parents.

Asha is shining in this atmosphere. She’s decent enough with the history, I suppose, but the way she flutters from group to group, making them all feel valued and befriended, is real talent. And the way she brings different groups together. Especially the way she draws the single tourists out and incorporates them in conversation with others, helping them with the always daunting task of meeting new people.

And the way she avoids the overeager Kevin, who seeks her out in every group she moves to. The wee arse has no chance. It’s literally her job to be nice to him. She gets paid to not run away screaming from him, but he seems to take her professionalism for interest. Or maybe he just hopes it is.

But she’s an adult and can take care of herself.

Still.

Maybe sunshine humans aren’t as good at fending off predators. Always looking for the good in everyone in their quest for optimism. I’ll keep an eye out. Only because it will ruin the group dynamics both if she turns him down and he sulks or, god forbid, if they actually do anything. It’ll be awkward and uncomfortable, and will reflect in our end-of-tour surveys.

And we need good surveys.

Finally, after groups start leaving to see what other nightlife offerings there are in Edinburgh, Asha lets me go back to the hotel. A few people (the groups with children) follow us back at a distance, weighed down by the heavy food and drinks, a long day, and jet lag.

“Thank you for hanging out with us,” Asha says.

“You didn’t give me much choice when you announced we were staying.”

“It’s the first night. They need us to help loosen everyone up so they can start friendships that will probably last a lifetime.”

“That is above and beyond the call of our duty. We need to teach them history that will expand their worldview and make them more aware of why the world is the way it is today. If they turn into absolute beasts at a pub quiz because of their newfound knowledge, that’s an acceptable effect, too.”

Asha rolls her eyes. “We can’t keep getting into this argument where you don’t know the scope of your job, and I have to keep telling you it’s to make the customers happy, along with teaching them. Actually, speaking of…” Asha speeds up to put some more distance between us and the families following us. “What are we going to do about Camila and Roshni?” She whispers the question.

“Show them Europe?” This must be a trick question.

“No, about their marriage.”

“Absolutely bloody nothing.”

“But they need our help! And the help of Europe’s magic!”

“No. They need a marriage counselor. Or maybe a divorce lawyer. Either way, it’s not in the scope of my job, and it’s none of my business.”

“You can’t just sit here and let a marriage be in trouble.”

“I’m not qualified to do anything about it. If they want me to give them a lesson on historic marriages, both good and bad, I can do that. And they can take any lesson they feel they can find there and apply it to their lives; that’s not on me.”

“I’m not letting this go.”

“I didn’t think you would. But you are going to interfere without any help from me.”

“Fine. Sit there and let romance be imperiled while you do nothing. When they get so thankful they name their first dog, cat, kid, or succulent after me, you’ll be sorry you missed out on Aloe Plant Callum. Or English Bulldog Callum. And you know what? That last one would fit.” She mumbles the last part and I ignore it.

“No, I don’t think I will be.”