Page 27 of Only One Tour Bus

“Our tour leader manual tells us to start the tour at Buckingham. Lead with one of the most recognizable sites to make tourists happy right away,” I say.

“You’re right, it does say that. But hear me out. Buckingham is so busy for the changing of the guard, if we start at St. James’s, we can see the guard get ready to change and start their walk with less people. And then we go to Buckingham so they get their pictures there, too.”

“Oh. That’s actually a good idea. They’ll like that.”

“And it’s easier for Laura to drop us off closer to the less popular, less crowded palace.”

“I suppose I can rearrange some of my notes around,” I mumble.

“Excellent. Then I have Buckingham, Pall Mall, Churchill War Rooms, Trafalgar, Westminster Abbey, and end at Big Ben, to name the big stops.”

“That sounds fine.” I check my notecards to make sure I have the same stops.

“And then the City the next day? St. Paul’s, Tower of London, the Knights Templar, all that business stuff, the Criminal Courts, that small shop that was in Bridget Jones’s Diary.” She reads the names off her iPad.

“Excuse me? I won’t be talking about Bridget Jones’s Diary on my tour.” Absolute anarchy.

“Then it’s a good thing you have me here, partner.”

“That is not an important historical fact for the group to learn.”

“It’s an important cultural fact, and I think we all agree that culture is an important part of history. Some would say today’s culture is tomorrow’s history. And I know a few elder millennials on this trip who are going to appreciate the shout out. Like all the attorneys.”

“Can you keep it to below thirty seconds?”

“I will take fifty-five, because I want them to understand the importance. However, they are going to want to take a small break to buy something and pretend to run into Colin Firth being a hot barrister fighting for human rights.”

“I don’t think I understand that sentence. The words, sure. But they have no meaning to me strung together like that.”

“Here’s the thing. It’ll take so long to explain the entire plot to that movie, you should just budget five minutes for the stop, call it a break, and move on. Blissfully ignorant.”

“I think I will take you up on that.”

“Smart man,” she says.

We finish the itinerary by the next comfort break with a lot of concessions on my end, and almost none on hers. So after we’ve counted that we have everyone back from the bathroom before we leave (a mistake I’ll only make once), I have no legitimate excuse to sit next to Asha again.

I should return to my cold seat to read or stare out the window. I should stop thinking about how nice it felt when she brushed her arm against mine in the tiny bench seat, reviewing our notes together. And how she smelled a bit like chocolate when she leaned into me.

I have no reason at all to choose her bench seat over mine.

Which doesn’t stop me from sitting next to her again.

“Oh.” She’s surprised. “Did you want to go over anything else? We should probably do one city’s walking tours at a time so we don’t burn out on all the discussion.”

She means with all the contention involved with those discussions.

“No. That’s fine.” I regret my body making this decision for me. The same body isn’t moving from the seat.

Not that it would help at this point. It’s already awkward.

“I wanted to talk to you about…” My mind is a blank. I spend so much time avoiding conversation, and this is the first time I might have to confront that I do it because I might have nothing to say, not because no one is worth conversing with.

It’s sobering.

“Excuse me.”

Thank Christ. Asha turns her look of confusion from me and changes it into a look of polite helpfulness at Henry. “What can we help with?”