Page 75 of Paper Horses

“I will always be that for you.”

A tear broke free, splashing over my lashes and down my cheek. “Always?”

“Always,” he replied, sweeping it away before kissing the place where it had been. “Now tell me what you were going to say about your brother.”

Resting my hands on his chest, I dug deep, past the hesitation, my father’s warnings that emotion had no place in our lives, past the shields I’d raised with every hand he’d raised to Gabe and every targeted insult he’d thrown at me. Taking a breath, I exhaled, letting Hudson’s strength fortify me and his large arms keep me safe. Allowing myself to voice the things I never had.

“When we were little, I would hold him. Mama would sit me on her lap, and I would curl into her with Gabe in my arms and marvel at how much I loved him. He was my little brother, and he was amazing. I would peek at him as I played with my dolls. He was so sharp, so smart and curious. We were close even when our father tried to put distance between us. His abuse only seemed to bring us closer together. Gabe would crawl into my bed on bad nights, and I would hold him, my heart breaking that I couldn’t stop his pain.” I wiped my nose on the back of my hand, dropping my eyes to where my fingers picked at a rough spot on his shirt.

“And I would run to his room on stormy nights. He would break his flashlight out and read me a book until the storm passed.” I sniffed, hating how the memories brought a pain that was so raw. “But Mama started spiraling, and Father’s temper worsened, and as we got older, the distance he wanted formed. By the time I went to college, it was pronounced. I still loved him, but saying it seemed too difficult, showing it even harder. We were too busy walking on eggshells, worrying about Mama’s fragile mental state and avoiding pissing our father off.”

Glancing up at him, I found his eyes on me, keen and gentle. “When Mama died, it was like the last pieces of the bridge between us crumbled. Our relationship became business first. Revenge took its hook and sank it into us. And when I broke up with you, I shut the last access to my emotions off. By the time he returned to the city and left Tori, there was nothing left to us but that cold distance neither of us knew how to cross.”

Hudson let the silence spread, waiting for me to say more, but it hurt too much to admit that so much had changed. That I’d been alone for so long, I no longer knew how to be anything but that.

A kiss to my forehead had me closing my eyes and soaking it in. “Tell him how you feel, Olivia.”

“I can’t.” The words came out as broken fragments. “I don’t know how to.”

Drawing back, he brushed his knuckles over my cheek. “What do you want to do?”

The question left me quiet, the potential too far to contemplate until the words slipped from my mouth. “I want to tell him I love him. To tell him how proud I am. To hug him again.”

“Then do that.”

“I can’t.” I dropped my eyes again. “I don’t remember the last time we hugged.”

“Olivia.”

My eyes jumped to his.

“I haven’t seen my brother in two years. If he were here, I would hug him every day and tell him I love him. Fuck, I tell him every time I talk to him. He’s the only one who keeps me grounded. Tell your brother you love him and for fuck’s sake, hug the man.”

“I’m not a hugger.”

He pulled me closer, the grip of his arms tight around my body, and nuzzled his face into my neck. “That’s because you stopped being one.”

I clutched his shirt in my hands, breathing him in as those words pummeled me. I stopped being one. He was so right that it ached. I had been one, because my mother had. Her hugs had always made everything better until they were no longer there to remind me of that sensation.

My arms slipped around him, and my body shuddered as more tears fell. He held me through them, letting me be myself, letting me fall apart again, and being my strength, just like he had said he would.

“Do you want something different, Olivia?” he asked, his warm breath skating over my hair. “To be that girl again?”

“Desperately,” I said. The sound was a fraction of a breath, but the power behind it resonated. I buried my face further into his chest. “I don’t want to be alone anymore, Hudson.”

His hold on me tightened. “I have you. You’re not alone.”

Those words spun through me like a spider weaving its web, the strands fortifying me.

He kissed my head, his hand smoothing over my hair. “Let’s go riding. The horses are ready to run, and you need a reminder of who you really are.”

As I lifted my face, his fingers swept the trail of tears away. “And who is that?”

“The woman who stole my heart the day she crashed into my back and never returned it.”

My eyes bounced between his, seeking signs of doubt, of fear, of regret, but they found none.

“Come on, let’s go ride and free that girl a little more.” His hands encased my arms, and he gently pushed me from him. “And this time you saddle up yourself. I’m not sharing my horse with you. That was way too distracting.”