Page 118 of Point of Contact

“Because the time was right, Jess, and I just wanted to get it over with.”

Jesse closed his eyes briefly. “I wish you’d waited, though. The thought of you doing it alone—”

His distress was so palpable that Trevor rushed to reassure him. “It’s okay, I wasn’t alone. Carl helped me with it.”

Jesse went absolutely still, and Trevor could have kicked himself, realizing too late he should have approached this in an entirely different way.

“Carl helped you with it? I see,” Jesse said stiffly, and he spun on his heel and strode back down the hallway toward the kitchen.

“Jess—” Trevor hurried after him. “Let’s talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Of course there is! If you’d just listen—”

“Listen to what?” Jesse whirled back around. “You talk about the fact you asked your ex-fiancé to help you get through something personal and incredibly painful? About the fact you wanted him there instead of me? What more is there to say?”

“God no, it’s not like that at all! I can explain—”

“If you want to get back together with him, do us both a favor and say that.”

“I don’t want to get back together with him!”

Jesse continued on as if Trevor hadn’t even spoken. “So what was I, someone willing to stroll down the Riley memory lane with you, and oh yeah, be a hot rebound fuck while you waited for Carl to get over himself and come back into your life?”

Trevor gasped. “Jesus Christ, no. Jesse—”

“I’m out.” Jesse snatched up his keys from the counter and strode for the door.

“You can’t leave like this!”

Trevor lunged forward to grasp his arm, and Jesse neatly evaded him with a growled, “Watch me.”

Scared shitless, and at the end of his rope, Trevor snarled, “Fine! Leave, then. Come back when you fucking grow up.”

He gasped as his personal space was suddenly invaded by a furious, hard-eyed man, his jaw like granite.

“I. Am. Not. Your. Son,” Jesse forced out through gritted teeth as he loomed over him, every inch the soldier he used to be. “I’m your lover, and if you’re gonna use my age against me every time we fight, I’ll tell you right now, I’m gonna lose my patience with that real fucking quick.”

He pinned Trevor with a flat stare, and Trevor cleared his throat, doing his best to modulate his own tone as he said evenly, “You’re right, and I apologize.”

Jesse’s face didn’t change, but he backed off with an almost imperceptible nod. Desperate words crowded Trevor’s throat, and as Jesse yanked the front door open, they burst free.

“Don’t leave.” Trevor sucked in a shaky breath. “Please. Don’t leave me.”

Jesse froze mid-step, and his shoulders slumped. When he turned around, his face was tight with anguish, his mouth working soundlessly. Coming closer, he cupped Trevor’s cheek with trembling fingers. “Never.”

The relief flooding Trevor’s entire body made him light-headed, and he turned his face into Jesse’s palm and kissed it. “Come on. Let’s go talk.”

He led Jesse to Riley’s old room, and they sat on the floor in a patch of sunlight, their backs to the wall. Trevor drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “When I went to the Air Force base to meet Riley’s body, I didn’t want Carl to come with me. He asked me why, and I couldn’t explain it to him at the time even though I could tell he was hurt. I just knew that I couldn’t have him there.”

Trevor toyed with the frayed hem of his jeans, going on, “It hit me while I watched them wheel Riley’s casket from the plane to where I was standing. As much as Carl wanted to be there to support me, his sympathy would have placed a burden on me I wouldn’t have been able to bear, not considering what I was facing in that moment. All those people with me were just doing their jobs, from the funeral team to the hearse driver to my casualty assistance officer. They weren’t cold, but they were detached, professional. That’s what kept me upright, Jess, kept me from shattering into a million pieces.”

“Oh, Trev.” Jesse’s voice was hoarse, and he slid his arm around Trevor’s shoulders, pulling him close.

Trevor leaned against him. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, watching them slow-walk a box containing what was left of my son from that plane.” He looked up at Jesse. “The second hardest was packing up this room. You being here, I wouldn’t have been able to bear it, and not for quite the same reason. I wouldn’t have been able to bear how much you’d be hurting, too, Jess.”

Jesse’s eyes widened. “Trevor, I—”