Page 101 of The Devil’s Feather

Rafael caught the glance. “You do not. Go ahead and say it.”

“I don’t want the nine here. No Chekov’s gun, thanks. I’m not anti-firearms, but your temper is way too volatile.”

He exhaled heavily and took another ice pack from the fridge, pressing it to his eye. “I do not like it, but I hear you. You stopped me from making an extremely bad, emotionally-driven decision, and I am grateful, even if I was a shit in the moment.” He nodded to himself, coming to some internal decision. “I have two others as well. If it makes you feel safer, I will get rid of all of them.”

“You must really love me.”

“Canımın içi, I fucking adore you. I would do anything for you, my windup girl.” Rafael rested his chin on his hand, staring at me. “I mean that. Anything.”

An idea coalesced. “In that case, I have a much bigger request.”

Rafael’s brow creased as he straightened. He set the coffee cup down with exaggerated care. Oh, my heart. It hadn’t occurred to me he’d worry I’d ask to violate his boundaries.

I waved placating hands in front of my face. “No, not like that. I wanted to ask if you would write out the sheet music for the song you composed for my book and let me print it in a special edition.”

His shoulders relaxed, and his eyes brightened. “My love, I will happily shower you with music. You honor me beyond measure with that request.”

“‘Beyond measure’… Was that a music pun, you big nerd?”

Rafael laid a hand on his heart in mock offense. “I would never.”

28

JUST LIKE THE RAIN

Isat up on the sofa, leaning too heavily on my punching hand, and a bolt of pain raced up my arm.

We’d napped together there, which had evolved into sleeping through the remaining daylight, the night, and into the morning. Rafael slept so hard at one point he was lightly snoring, which I’d never heard before. Probably from the swelling in his poor, bruised face. Unsurprisingly, he stirred the instant I did.

Hissing, I shook my hand out. “God, I still can’t believe I socked the Extruda CEO’s daughter in the face.”

“That was the hottest fucking thing I have ever seen, and I thought nothing could top you kicking in the door and pointing a gun at her head. Awkwardly-hard-in-public hot, which is especially difficult when you are more encumbered than most.” He pushed the coffee table away, slid off the sofa to his knees, and took my battered hand, gently kissing each knuckle. “Would you like to have my nonexistent babies?”

The ugliest, goofiest laugh of my life erupted from my mouth. “I think we should start trying right now. Clock’s running out on that vasectomy.”

“No time like the present.” He scooped me off the sofa and carried me, giggling and shedding pajamas, to the bedroom.

Rafael laid me on the bed. I untied the belt of his robe. Bruises littered his torso and thighs like ink dropped into water. I sucked in a breath, but he simply shrugged out of the robe and climbed onto the mattress beside me.

“This will sound…unstable, but hear me out,” he began.

“A lot of what you say sounds unstable, but go on.”

“Earlier, I offered you the opportunity to take advantage of me. ‘Anything’ meant just that. But you ask so little of me.” He kissed my forehead. “That makes me want to try again. To give what you refused to take.”

He’d just been through hell. Was this really smart? But oh, how I wanted to be closer than breath. Closer than skin and bones and all the emotional baggage we both dragged behind us.

I cupped his face in my hands, emotions rapid-cycling too fast for me to identify any single one. “My beautiful man. I love you with my whole heart. Of course I want all of you, but right now you look like someone’s been using you for target practice. Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“The pain helps.” Those piercing eyes were steady. “The pain is what convinced me to try again. I know I am hard to look at, but my injuries are not that serious.” Rafael turned his head and kissed my palm. “I feel safer with you than I ever have with anyone else by far, and I want to give you every pleasure I can.”

I stopped his mouth with a kiss, “Don’t worry about the pleasure part of it. Figuring out what makes you feel comfortable and safe in your body is way more important.”

He sucked in a small breath, blinking rapidly, and turned his head away.

“Rafael, it’s ok to be emotional. I love you.”

Tears sparkled in his dark lashes⁠1 but did not fall. “It surprises me how easily you reach through all my armor to grasp my heart directly.” He took my hand and laid it on the center of his chest. “It beats only for you now.”