Page 116 of Love Unspoken

She sidestepped me and walked away while I stood staring at her fine ass, wondering how my life had become this shitshow where I was trying to grope my ex next to the women's restroom of a bar while my maybe future girlfriend and wife were sitting next to my ex's new boyfriend.

I was reminded of what Grandma had told me right after the Magnolia Ball.

"Son, you haven't taken the time to truly understand who you are and what you're feeling. You've been drifting through life on autopilot, letting things happen instead of steering the course yourself. It's high time you did some real soul-searching, looked deep inside yourself, and figured out who you really are—not the man you once thought you were or the one you think you ought to be."

NINE

AMARA

As much as I'd enjoyed living in Basil's house to regroup, now, nearly five months since I moved out of the townhouse, I had finally found a home. I'd stumbled upon it while house-hunting with Jax. He was looking for something sleek and modern, a statement piece in the heart of Charleston's historic district. This house was entirely wrong for him—too small, too humble, not nearly flashy enough. But for me, it was perfect.

Nestled just a short walk from South of Broad on a quiet, tree-lined street, the little two-bedroom cottage had a charm that wrapped itself around me the moment I stepped inside. It wasn't big or fancy. The white-painted brick, the dark green shutters, the small front porch with just enough space for a couple of rocking chairs—it was all so different from the grandeur of the townhouse I'd shared with Lucas. There were no ghosts here, no lingering memories to trip over at every corner. Just a fresh start.

The best part, though, was the garden. When I first saw it, overgrown and wild, my heart skipped a beat. It was a hidden gem behind the house, a tiny oasis enclosed by a weathered wooden fence. The previous owners had let it go, but I could see its potential. There was an old stone path leading to a small, worn bench beneath a sprawling magnolia tree; there were patches of wildflowers fighting to reclaim their space.

Since I moved in a week ago, I'd dedicated as much time as I could to planting new life and hoping to restore my backyard to its former glory. It was healing to get my hands dirty and coax beauty from the soil. It gave me a sense of control, of peace—all of which, I desperately needed.

Because even now, months after Lucas and I ended things, I was still struggling to patch up the wounds he'd left behind. I thought I'd been making progress, finally starting to rebuild my life without him. But that incident at the bar turned my world upside down all over again.

I didn't tell Jax what happened by the restrooms, but he guessed and didn't probe. I had talked to Gemma about it, and she was ready to knee Lucas in the nuts.

"Men are douchebags. They only want what they can't have."

Ain't that the truth? Amen!

I felt like every time I thought I'd healed, Lucas would appear from left field. I felt his presence before I even saw him—like a shift in the air, a pull I couldn't ignore.

I still remembered how good it felt to be held by him again when he'd cornered me, his eyes dark and intense, full of everything I'd been trying to forget. Before I could process what was happening, he was leaning in, his breath warm against my skin.

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me.

My heart had lurched in my chest, confusion and anger warring with the part of me that still ached for him, that still remembered what it felt like to be his. But the moment passed as quickly as it came. I pulled away, the hurt slicing through me sharper than before. Jax and Kath were right out in the bar, oblivious to the turmoil happening just feet away.

How dare he?

Lucas had made his choice, and who he wanted in his life wasn't me. I had to remind myself of that as I had pushed him away and forced myself to walk back to the table, pretending like I wasn't seconds away from crumbling.

That night had sent me spiraling, undoing weeks of progress. I'd fallen into despair again, questioning everything—how I'd let Lucas get so close, how I still let him affect me. But the new house had been my salvation. It was a place to pour all of that pain, all of that longing, into something tangible, something that wasn't Lucas Fucking Covington.

As I stood in my little garden now, the late afternoon sun casting a warm glow over the freshly planted roses, I felt a sense of accomplishment, of quiet pride. This was my space. I'd built my beautiful sanctuary out of the rubble of what Lucas and I once were.

But even as I admired what I'd already achieved in the garden, I couldn't stop thinking about Lucas—about the kiss that never was, the moment that almost happened. It was infuriating how much power he still had over me, how he could shatter my peace with just a look, a touch, a near kiss.

I wiped my hands on my jeans, determined not to let those thoughts take root. This was my life now, and Lucas wasn't in it. I'd built my life again from the ground up, just like this garden. And no matter how many times Lucas tried to pull me back, I wouldn't let him ruin my hard-won calm.

I was moving forward, one step at a time, and I wasn't about to let him drag me back into the past. Not when I was finally starting to believe that I could be okay again.

My garden and my house weren't only a fresh start; they were a promise to myself, a recognition that I deserved better.

I wiped the dirt from my hands, standing back to admire the small herb garden I'd just finished planting. It wasn't much yet—just a few neat rows of basil, rosemary, and thyme—but it was a start. The house had become my little project, an outlet for my energy whenever memories of Lucas crept in, threatening to overwhelm me. It was mostly working. But there were still moments when I felt it all slamming down on me like a heavy fog.

I pulled out my phone, snapped a picture of the garden, and sent it to Basil.

My phone rang almost immediately. "Holy fuck, you've done some work out there, Sunshine."

I grinned. "It's looking really good, isn't it?"

"Show me more," he demanded. I hit the video call button and waited for him to accept, the screen filling with his grinning face as he appeared.