Page 154 of Love Unspoken

California would not be a bad place to move to.

But you don't really want to move away from Charleston, do you, Amara? You're letting a man drive you away from a place and a job you love.

"I'll do that."

"Hey, you know, if you change your mind after this project, the college will be happy to tear up your resignation letter," Basil reminded me.

"I feel like I'm letting him run me out of town."

Basil laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"I think Lucas is probably planning on doing everything he can to keep you in Charleston. I know you're pissed about what happened, but it wasn't his fault."

"When did you become such a Lucas fan?" I accused.

"Trying to be fair here, Sunshine. You know I love you, so take this in that light—you're not the most forgiving person in the world. You hate conflict, so when things become difficult, you don't talk it through; you run away."

It was a fair assessment.

"Lucas and I are nothing but drama."

"You both love each other, and you're both caught up in your heads. He wants to be the good Covington, and you want him to know how you think and feel without telling him."

"Stop being so logical," I grumbled. "I have class. I got to go."

I hung up the phone, but Basil's words lingered in my mind, unsettling as they were. He had a way of cutting through the bullshit, of seeing right through me, and as much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I wasn't the most forgiving person, and I did have a habit of running when things got tough. But acknowledging that didn't make it any easier to face the mess Lucas and I were.

Was love really enough?

As I walked across the campus, the skip in my step from earlier started to falter. The excitement about the project still buzzed in my veins, but there was an undercurrent of anxiety, too—about Lucas, about leaving Charleston, about whether I was doing the right thing.

But then another thought crept in, one that Basil had planted, whether he meant to or not: What if I wasn't done with Lucas? What if, deep down, I didn't want to be done?

I shook my head, trying to clear away the doubts. This wasn't about Lucas, I reminded myself. This was about the project, about making a difference in women's health in a state where it was desperately needed. And yet, no matter how many times I repeated that to myself, I couldn't deny the truth lurking underneath: I didn't want to leave.

I reached the door of my classroom, my hand hovering over the handle as Basil's words replayed in my mind. You both love each other, and you're both caught up in your heads.

Argh! I didn't want to think about Lucas. I didn't want to think about what Basil had said.

I took a deep breath, opened the door, and stepped into the classroom. My students were already there, chatting amongst themselves, their voices a comforting hum in the background. For a moment, I stood still, letting the normalcy of it all wash over me, grounding me.

As I walked to the front of the room and set down my bag, I made a decision. I wasn't going to let Lucas run me out of town, but I also wasn't going to let myself run away from him. From us. There were things we needed to talk about, things that needed to be said, and if I was staying in Charleston, then I owed it to both of us to have those conversations.

But not today. I wasn't ready. I didn't know if I'd ever be ready.

Girl, you're so chicken!

On that internal critique, I clapped my hands together to get the attention of my students. "Alright, who can tell me the three main constructs that can modify an individual's perceptions according to the Health Belief Model?"

TWENTY-TWO

LUCAS

Basil had come up with the idea of funding a project that he knew Amara would not be able to resist working on. After that, it was just a matter of having Grandma call the Chancellor, who was an old friend, to set the whole thing up.

No doubt, I was manipulating Amara into spending time with me, the sponsor of the South Carolina Women's Health Advocacy Network, which Grandma established early in the year. With the Chancellor's support and others who were like-minded, Grandma had stood it up and was delighted for the women's health communication initiative to be a project the network supported. The goal was to have the research done in the next three months with a recommendation from the College of Charleston on how to proceed. If I was successful in keeping Amara in town, not only would we have her do the research, but we'd have her run the implementation of the project as well. The Chancellor had liked that idea very much, that we'd go beyond research and take what we learn to help women and girls in our state.