Page 160 of Love Unspoken

Amara and I used to come here when we were dating, but we hadn't been here in a long while. Probably since we broke up six months ago, which was one of the hardest times of my life. The thought that we'd never be together again, that I wouldn't be able to fix my wrongs, was debilitating. I loved this woman—I knew that with a certainty I'd never had before. I'd probably loved her all along but hadn't wanted to accept it—or admit it—because I knew being with Amara would bring upheaval to the family. Mama kept saying how Amara didn't fit in, and she didn't. Thank fucking God for that.

I could play the regret game, wishing that I knew then what I knew now, but that wasn't going to bring my woman back to me. My beautiful, fantastic woman, I thought as I watched her. We were settled into a corner booth by the window, the light from outside filtering in just enough to highlight the deep auburn in Amara's hair. She mesmerized me since that first time I'd laid my eyes on her when I knew there was no way I wasn't going to get to know her.

How could I have taken my awesome life and fucked it up the way I had?

It was quiet here, only a few other customers scattered around, their conversations a soft murmur in the background. This was precisely what we needed—somewhere intimate, away from the pressures of work.

Amara ordered a black coffee, like me, and when the waitress left, there was a moment of silence. There was tension between us that felt like it could go either way. But then Amara broke it with that sharp, teasing smile that always managed to throw me off balance.

"What's the plan here? Are you going to apologize with coffee now? Because I have to tell you, it's going to take more than a caffeine hit to fix this."

I couldn't control the grin that tugged at my lips. "Well, I was going to offer to throw in a croissant, but if you're going to be difficult…"

She rolled her eyes, her fingers tracing the edge of the ceramic mug. "I am not difficult, ever."

"Of course, Tesoro," I leaned forward, matching her tone. "You are and always have been a pleasure and a delight."

She looked at me, and for a moment, the banter faded as a more severe tone settled between us. I caught a flicker of softness and vulnerability in her eyes before she quickly masked it with a wry smile.

"Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Covington," she quipped, though the edge in her voice had softened. "We've been down this road before, remember?"

"I do." I looked into her beautiful blue-gray eyes, which captivated me today as they had the first time. "I also remember how good we were together before I messed it all up."

She didn't respond right away. Instead, she took a slow sip of her coffee, her gaze drifting to the street outside the window. "We were living in a fool's paradise, ignoring our problems and pretending everything was fine when it clearly wasn't."

"You really believe that?" Her words had shattered me. I picked up the coffee cup, giving my shaking hands something to do.

She turned to face me, and I saw a sheen of tears. "We were damn good together when it was just us," she finally admitted, her voice tinged with a wistfulness that made my heart ache. "But then the world came in and…I don't even know what happened, Lucas."

I set my coffee down. "I hurt you; that's what happened. It took me too long to understand myself; know that I love you and that I want to spend my life with you."

"And Kath?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "Fucking hell, Amara! Thinking I felt the same way about her as I did when we were kids was, without a doubt, the biggest mistake I've ever made. I don't. The truth is, I was and am completely enamored with you—attached, besotted. I was stupid not to realize it sooner, but I'm not a foolish man, and I've learned from my mistakes."

"What did you learn?" She tilted her head.

"I need to separate what I want and need from what my family expects of me. When I'm pressured to do things that I don't want to do, I should walk away, not give in, just because duty and obligation were hammered into me growing up."

"I learned a few things about myself too," she whispered. "I run away instead of facing issues. I don't talk things through. Like…I should've just asked you what the hell you were talking to your mother about, instead of just moving out."

I lowered my head. "And I should've fought for you, instead of thinking, well, at least now Mama won't keep nagging me about you."

"Your Mama isn't changing," she pointed out.

I had to smile at that. "That's her business. I have changed. I have grown. I don't want to live a life where I'm a dutiful Covington. I want to live my life with you. I want love and affection. I want to wake up with you smiling at me. I want to fuck you and make love to you. I want babies with you and⁠—"

"Stop," she pleaded, now tears crowding her eyes. She closed them and took deep breaths. "I hate how emotional I get around you."

"You think it's different for me?" I grabbed her hand and forced her to look at me. "You think I'm not falling apart all the fucking time because you're not with me? You think I'm not scared every minute of every day that I won't be able to fix this…fix us and lose the love of my fucking life?"

She opened her eyes and gazed at me, pain etched on her face. "I don't know, Lucas. I feel like we're nothing but drama."

"We love each other, and that makes us vulnerable."

"So, we'll keep hurting each other?" she groaned.

"No! I've finally pulled my head out of my ass," I replied bluntly. "I'm done being the good Covington, doing what everyone expects. I want to be with you, Amara. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove that to you."