Page 14 of City of Liars

Holy shit.

“Hey!” I yelled, charging toward the gate that led to the beach. “Stop!”

She didn’t. But she didn’t do anything else, either.

Because she was gone.

I rubbed my eyes, blinked, looked again. Nope. No little girl. Just me, shouting into the void and annoying the hell out of my neighbors.

An icy spike of fear twisted through me.

It wasn’t like she could’ve slipped under the waves. The water had only been up to her ankles. And I’d been looking at her the whole time. I’d never taken my eyes off her.

Jesus Christ. Now I was hallucinating, on top of everything else.

It was a trick of the moonlight, I admonished myself. Courtesy of Sir Jameson. You’ve got Lily’s disappearance on your mind, that’s all. Quit flipping out.

But that was easier said than done.

Rubbing my temples to dispel an impending headache, I stalked back onto the deck and sank down next to the fire pit. I was staring into the flames, trying to convince myself I wasn’t losing my mind, when Will’s name flashed across my phone’s screen.

On some level, I wasn’t surprised; my big brother had always had an uncanny way of knowing when something was bugging me, even from hundreds of miles away. He’d raised me when our family had fallen apart, been there for me when no one else would or could. I would owe him for the rest of my life for that.

I grabbed the phone and took the call.

“Hey, bro,” Will said cheerily. “What’s new in the realm of world domination?”

“Not much.” Trying to keep any hint of my state of mind from my voice, I tilted back my glass to take a sip. “What’s up with you? Anything new?” I white-knuckled the glass, then forced out the words. “Everything OK with Mom?”

In the moment before Will replied, I pictured The Worst. He was the older sibling, the first line of defense for Mom’s binges, rages, and breakdowns. In return, I paid the rent on her Brooklyn apartment, since she hadn’t worked for as long as I could remember, and it would’ve been impossible for Will to afford on a high school teacher’s salary. I’d gotten the better end of the deal by far, but Will handled the responsibility with grace, and never complained. Still, I felt like shit for leaving him holding the bag.

“Mom’s fine. As fine as she gets, anyway. But I do have some news,” Will said, sounding happier than ever. “Abby’s pregnant again. Due in the spring.”

Will’s wife was perfect for him: kind, compassionate, and no-nonsense. Their two-year-old kid, Caiden, was awesome, and Will, to no one’s surprise, was a fantastic dad. Raising me, he’d gotten a lot of practice. When our father had gone AWOL, leaving Mom broke and spiraling into drunken depression, Will could’ve turned his back on me. But he hadn’t. He’d stepped up, in every sense of the word.

At least one of us had figured out how to build a healthy family. I’d settled for making enough money that I never needed to scrounge for change to buy a Big Mac again.

I took a swallow of whiskey, wincing as it burned my throat and settled, warm, in my stomach. “That’s great, man. Big congrats.”

“Yeah, you’ll be an uncle again. Keep you busy when you come back up north, since you’re in no hurry to have rugrats of your own.”

“I’d need a wife first,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Or at least someone auditioning for the position.”

Will gave a throaty chuckle. “You’d need to want to have a wife first, bro. I’ve seen the way women line up for you. Even Abby says you’re hot.”

“Seriously? Don’t the two of you have better things to talk about?”

I poured another tumbler of whiskey and knocked it back, ignoring the specter of our mother that loomed every time I drank to excess. As a kid, I’d stand in the doorway of her darkened room, the cloying scent of wine wafting toward me and the maw of her depression sucking at me, inviting me to join her. Sometimes the draw was almost too enticing to resist, but I’d think of Will. How much he cared about me, how devastated he’d be if I gave in. And so I always did my best, even when it meant plastering a game face on top of Munch’s primal scream.

I wasn’t like her. I wouldn’t be, goddammit. But I had no intention of inflicting myself on a romantic partner, long-term. Unlike Will, I was no one’s idea of a prize.

Will’s voice dropped, his teasing tone taking on a hint of tenderness. The voice of the big brother who’d always been able to see right through me. “Don’t worry, Theo. One day you’ll meet the right woman and it’ll all fall into place.”

“Thanks, but I doubt it.” I took another swallow, remembering Liv sliding naked out of bed this morning, looking down at me with eyes the hue of the water that lapped the shore. Sitting at her kitchen table, clutching her coffee like a lifeline and staring at me, appalled. “Some things aren’t meant to be.”

The whiskey seared my veins, a small flame against the night, as I gazed out at the moonlight sparkling on the water. Here I was, in one of the most gorgeous places I’d ever seen. I’d achieved far beyond what I’d ever dreamed of—a huge beach house, job security, enough food in my refrigerator. So why did I still feel so goddamn hollow?

“Hey.” The teasing tone was gone, replaced by Concerned Big Brother Will. “You okay?”