Page 65 of City of Liars

Her eyes cut away from mine for an instant, and hesitation swept her features. But then her jaw firmed. “If Claire’s well-being, or mine, was what was on your mind, then you should’ve come to me first. But instead, you lied to me. You violated my privacy. You did—this.” She gestured at me and Theo, who was standing so close to the door, it looked like he was willing himself to dematerialize and reemerge on the other side. “I only have two words to say to you, Olivia. Get. Out.”

42

Theo

“Well,” Liv said, clutching her coat around herself as we stood on the sidewalk outside One Lexington, “that was awkward.”

Understatement of the century. “You think?”

She sighed. “What are we going to do now?”

We, she’d said. Like the two of us were a unit, a team.

I’d never been a we before. It scared the shit out of me.

This was why I didn’t do relationships. I didn’t want to be the person anyone depended on. I had enough problems of my own.

Krista was right. I was exactly the kind of guy who would have revenge sex on a stranger’s rug, knowing good and well said stranger had a kid who could come home at any moment. I was the furthest thing from a responsible dad-type anyone could imagine. Last night proved it. Sure, Liv had gone along with the program, but it was all my idea.

“I’m sorry, Liv,” I said, folding my arms across my chest to keep from reaching for her. “We had an agreement to keep this platonic and I ruined everything.”

Her eyes widened. “You didn’t do it by yourself.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t text me so we’d end up screwing on your cousin’s rug. You texted me because of your dream.” The painful, twisting feeling in my chest was back. I’d hoped having sex with her would make it go away, but if anything, it was worse.

I had to make it leave.

“Sure,” she said, looking bewildered, “but you don’t owe me any apologies. I had a great time last night. In fact”—her cheeks flushed—“I was hoping for an encore.”

The way she looked at me from under her eyelashes, the husky tone of her voice…it made me want the same thing, and badly. But we couldn’t. She wasn’t some one-night stand or fling. She was Liv. I couldn’t treat her the way I’d treated all those other women and I didn’t want to. Which meant I had to stop this, before it went any further. The hell with what Will had said yesterday in the park. This was for the best.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, forcing the words out around the lump that had somehow sprung up in my throat. “I can’t do this.”

She flinched, as if I’d struck her. “Is this because of what Krista said? Because I don’t care about any of that, Theo. You know I’m committed to finding out what really happened to the girls. And I’m willing to believe the Carters might’ve been wrong about everything.”

At any other point in time, I might’ve cheerfully killed to hear a Carter say those words. But this time, it made no difference. “I told you before, Liv. I don’t date. It’s not my thing, and for good reason. Look what just happened with Claire.”

“You’re just scared.” She reached out, as if to touch me. But when I stepped back, out of reach, she let her hand fall.

“I’m not! I’m trying to do the right thing by you and your daughter, goddamn it. Why can’t you see that?”

“Oh, so you think you know what’s right for us, better than I do? Are you calling me a shitty mother now, Theo?”

“Of course not!” My voice was rising, drawing the attention of passersby. With an effort, I brought it back under control. “You wanted me to be honest, Liv? To trust you with the truth? Well, this is it. You’re a brilliant woman and great mom who’s got her act together. And I’m a train wreck who doesn’t need to take anyone else along for the ride. You said you want a partner? Well, that’s not me. I’m good for a one-night stand or two. Not the long haul.”

“So that’s it.” She glared at me. “No discussion, no interest in my opinion. It’s your way or no way at all.”

Damn it. “I never meant to mislead you! I thought we were on the same page.”

She shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat, maybe to keep from punching me. “So this has nothing to do with what we talked about last night—how you don’t want me to think you’re broken? How you think your depression makes you damaged goods?”

That one hit too close to home, and before I could think better of it, I lashed out. “I’m not a fixer-upper, Liv. There’s no need for you to project-manage my emotional shit, like you do with your parents and your ex.”

Her eyes narrowed, like she was looking right through me. “Everything that just spilled out of your mouth sounds like one excuse after another. You’re frightened of what this thing between us could become, if we let it. And you’re running away.”

Now I wanted to punch something myself. Like the limestone façade of her building. What was it about this woman that unraveled every inch of my control? “It doesn’t have anything to do with that. This is about…look, it’s my fault. I feel like I led you on. Last night got a little crazy, what with the dreams and that whole weirdness with the piano. It was an adrenaline rush, and I think we both got carried away.”

“So you felt nothing. Is that what you’re telling me?” Her voice was granite.