Page 80 of City of Liars

I stopped, my finger tracing the words. So Charles hadn’t killed James, after all. He was innocent, at least of murder.

“I knew it.” Ella’s voice was suffused with relief. “I knew my father couldn’t hurt anyone, not like that.”

“You were right, Grandma.” Liv patted her hand. “Keep reading, Theo.”

When May and her daughter came today, I couldn’t help but notice how threadbare their clothes were. Perhaps this is something I can do to ease their suffering, however small. I purchased warm coats for the entire family, including the grandmother and brothers, and hired a man to deliver these to their home. I didn’t want to go myself, and risk a scandal.

I do hope the family doesn’t see this as a bribe, but rather an effort at recompense for their misery, no matter how paltry...

My voice faltered. Here was the proof of what Grandma Susi had told me.

Liv reached out to touch the journal. “It goes on and on,” she said. “I didn’t read it before you came, but I did flip through, enough to see that the entries fill most of the book.”

She turned the pages. Sure enough, Carter had written one entry after another.

Tonight I dreamed of my Ella again. She looked so sad, one began.

And the next:

Today Susi came alone, to the place I had agreed upon to meet her mother. I asked her where May might be, and she was reluctant to tell me. At last, she was persuaded to confess the woman’s melancholy had become so severe that the family was obliged to commit her to Kings Park, the psychiatric institution on Long Island. I cannot help but feel responsible for this situation. What must I do?

I turned the page.

May Dressler has left Kings Park and came once more to see me. Susi accompanied her. I have had more professional photographs of Ella taken, and thought to give these to her as a gift. But when she saw them, she spat a curse at me once more, and wept so that I thought her heart would break anew. Susi guided her away.

I could not help but notice how gaunt and ill the woman looked...

I bolted to my feet, bile stinging my throat. “I need some air.”

I turned and made a beeline for the door to the screened-in porch. Shoving it open, I stepped out into the backyard, where I stood, trying to breathe through the tightness in my chest.

Don’t have a panic attack, for Christ’s sake, I lectured myself, like that had ever done any good. Not here. Keep it the hell together.

The sky lowered, crushing me beneath its weight. The world blurred, and I bent over, hands on my knees, trying desperately to make the dizziness go.

I didn’t hear Liv come up behind me, but her small hand was suddenly warm on my back. “Are you all right?” she said.

Her voice was kind, but I lashed out just the same. “Do I look all right?”

I regretted it immediately, but she didn’t react. Instead, she tugged me upright, her hand still on my back, and said, “Breathe with me, Theo, okay? Inhale to the count of four...hold it...then out for four. Like I’m doing. You’re going to be fine. Just breathe.”

Hating myself, I did as she said, and it helped. Ten deep breaths later, the world settled around me and the crushing weight on my chest was gone. I blinked my eyes open and found her looking right back at me. There wasn’t an ounce of pity or disgust on her face, just concern.

I’d treated her like shit, and here she was, taking care of me.

“Thank you,” I managed.

“This stuff is hard to hear. I get it.” She dropped her hand from my back. “Are you okay to keep going? We can stop⁠—”

I squared my shoulders. “If your grandma can do this, so can I. But Liv, while I have you here, I just want to say…about the lawsuit…”

She shook her head, taking a step away. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I do, though.” I looked directly at her, so she could see I had nothing to hide. “My mother came up with that crazy idea after she met you. I never thought she’d follow through with it. I mean, she’s broke. But she got a bee in her goddamn bonnet about it, and she wouldn’t let it go. She used some money I gave her as a retainer for some shyster attorney who agreed to take her case on contingency.”

I reached for her hand, and was relieved when she didn’t pull away. “I begged her to drop the suit, Liv. I told her that I’d never asked her for anything, but I was asking for this. But she didn’t care. And it kills me that she hurt you.”

She gazed up at me, her blue eyes wide. “It’s not your fault. I get that now. I guess I thought you knew about it all along, and were just using me. Or that, yet again, you didn’t trust me enough to share what was going on.”