Page 17 of Here We Go Again

In the stroller, Fiona starts to fuss, and Carter reaches in and repositions her pacifier. It’s still weird seeing him so comfortable around a baby. When we lived in North Carolina, we spent a few months staying with our captain. His girlfriend had a baby, and we liked hanging out with her, but this is different. This is Carter’s life—his family.

“I know it’s not the same thing,” Holly says, his tone holding a weight that wasn’t there before. “But I’m not ever going to stop loving Claire. That doesn’t mean I don’t hope I’ll fall in love with someone else.”

My eyebrows lift as my gaze jumps to Carter, who is looking at me with a similar expression. In the two years that have passed since Claire’s death, Holly has never shown any interest in dating, so the fact that he’s brought it up now feels significant.

“Stop it,” Holly says, looking between Carter and me. “Don’t do the weird twin thing where you look at each other and say crap with your eyeballs. And don’t make this a big deal. I don’t mean right now. I just mean eventually. When Charlie’s older. The point is, maybe it’s a matter of perspective.” He gives me a sobering look. “Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Some part of you may always care about Becca. But that doesn’t mean she’s your future. Moving forward might mean accepting those feelings will always be a part of you. You might have to move through them instead of trying to root them out.”

I pick up my towel and run it through my hair, then reach for my t-shirt. I understand what Holly is saying, and he’s probably right. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing, so if she isn’t going to text, I have to find a way to get over her.

If that’s even possible.

“Yeah, maybe,” I say. “You’re probably right.” I stand and slip my t-shirt over my head. “Listen, I told Sarah I’d stay for dinner, but I think I’m gonna head out,” I say to Carter.

He frowns. “You good?”

“Yeah,” I say a little too quickly. “I’ve got stuff to do at home and PT first thing in the morning.” I stop at Fiona’s stroller and bend close. “Bye, Fi,” I say, rubbing a hand across her soft head, then I turn and clap my brother on the back. “Tell Sarah I’m sorry for bailing.”

It probably looks like I’m running.

From them. From the conversation. From the nagging fear that my life is never going to work out quite as well as my brother’s.

But talking about it isn’t going to make anything better. It is what it is. I have to live with that.

Before I can disappear, the patio door opens one more time, and Charlie and Poppy file out, plates of pizza balanced carefully in their tiny hands. Sarah follows with Olive on her hip and one more plate of pizza. Carter and Holly jump up, shifting chairs, helping everyone get situated, then Carter takes Olive, keeping her on his lap while Sarah goes back inside with the baby.

“Are you leaving?” Poppy asks me, a slice of cheese pizza gripped tightly in her fist.

“Yeah, I’ve got to head out.”

“Don’t forget your crown,” she says, pointing to where I left it draped over the back of my chair.

“I would never forget it,” I say, picking it up and placing it back on my head. I set it sideways on purpose so it droops over my left eye. “What do you think? Did I get it on right?”

Poppy giggles and pats the top of her head. “Up here.”

I adjust the crown so it’s right again. “Like that?”

She smiles and nods, then takes a huge bite of pizza.

“Don’t forget your ill-gotten golf club,” Carter says before I move away.

I grin. “You know it’s mine, fair and square.”

He reaches out and grabs my arm, stopping me just before I step off the patio. I drop my gaze to his.

“It’s going to be all right,” he says, his voice low. “Something will work out.”

Carter’s endless optimism has been known to annoy me, but this time, I have to hope that he’s right.

5

THEO

I swear, sometimes it feels like I should just move into the Jaguars’ practice facility. My rehab schedule has been relentless, but the last thing I want is to start the regular season on injured reserve. I need to be at full strength by training camp, so every workout matters twice as much as it ever has before.

Unfortunately, a lot of what I need to be back to full strength is time.

And the most tedious workouts on the planet.