Page 31 of Here We Go Again

“Rory?”

I nod. “I’m meeting him tonight.”

“And?” she gently prods.

“And I’m pretty sure we’re breaking up.”

She leans her shoulder against mine. “Geez. What a day.”

I choke out a laugh. “Right?”

She’s quiet for a beat before she says, “I know it might not feel like it, but I really do think it’s a good thing.”

“Are you sure?” I ask. “Because my feelings are so muddled right now, I’m not sure I can trust them.”

She shifts on the stairs, turning sideways so she’s facing me. “Becca, do you know how many times I’ve actually seen you cry?”

I frown. “I have no idea. But it’s probably a lot. I cry in movies all the time.”

“You get a tiny bit teary in movies, which isn’t the same thing. I mean really cry. Because of something happening in your own life.”

I tuck my hands between my knees, my eyes locked on the floor. I have a feeling I know where Mia is going, and I don’t like it.

“It’s not a big number, Becca.” She waits, letting the silence stretch between us until I finally lift my gaze to hers. “It’s twice,” she says. “Once the night you first told me about Theo. And then again today. I’m no therapist, but I feel like that probably means something.”

“Sure it does. It means Theo is obviously bad for me.”

“Or,” she says patiently, “it means that for how good you are at keeping your life controlled and safe and wrapped in bubble wrap, he’s the one person who seems to make you feel things that are too big for your rules. And I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.”

I press my lips together, hating how close Mia is to the truth. But she’s got it all wrong. It’s absolutely a bad thing. Theo is the reason I have rules in the first place.

Never give anyone the power to reroute my plans.

Never depend on a person for a future I’m capable of building myself.

Keep my heart as portable as my job.

I learned the hard way that surrendering so much of myself—of my heart—to another person is exactly how to guarantee heartbreak. I gave Theo everything. My willingness to forgive him doesn’t change the fact that my entire life was derailed because of him. Everything I planned to do—college, career, scholarships—it all shifted.

And it shouldn’t have been like that. I’m not proud of how broken I was after he ended things. Or after Carter ended things on his behalf, I guess. But it was still a valuable lesson. I fell in too deep. Trusted too much. And it took a lot of time and even a little therapy for me to find my way out of the resulting darkness.

I won’t set myself up for the same kind of failure again.

“It is a bad thing,” I say. “I don’t want to be … consumed.”

She studies me, her face so full of compassion, I might start to cry again. “You were so young, Becca. But you aren’t anymore. You’re your own woman now. Strong, independent, capable. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to feel real passion in your life. You deserve a relationship that makes you burn, not this sleepy thing you have with Rory.”

For a moment, I think of the hug I gave Theo right before I left. His hands slid over my waist, resting in the same spots they always did in high school, tugging me against him with a familiar certainty.

I used to love it when he hugged me like that—like I belonged to him. The thought sends fiery tendrils of heat curling through my belly. Even when we were living on the same side of the country, I never felt anything like that with Rory.

It feels so obvious now; I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.

I’m not sure I’ll ever even see Theo again. But it’s a good reminder that I shouldn’t settle. Or stay in a boring relationship just because it feels safe.

“I don’t know how to do things differently, Mia,” I say, and she reaches over to squeeze my knee.

“I think the first step is deciding you want to.” She glances down at her phone. “I hate to leave you, but I have to get back to work.”