Page 125 of Experiments in Offline Dating

The words made my heart quicken. He may as well have read my mind. I hadn’t realized it until he’d said it. He’d been with me every day, so of course I’d thought of him. But it was more than that. I thought of Tadhg when we were apart and even when he was right beside me. I thought of him as I got ready in the morning, when I was on the phone with Simone or my parents, always forcing myself to be careful not to mention him too often. I thought of him the entire time I was on a date with any other man. I thought of him as I brushed my teeth, as I washed my hair, playing over discussions that we’d had, imagining new ones. I thought of him every night as my mind drifted off to sleep, and every morning as I woke up and grew eager to start a new day together.

But having him say it out loud made it more real somehow. Made me look at it. I didn’t want to want him anymore, like a sore niggling bite inside of your cheek that you can’t stop mindlessly tonguing. I wanted to have him, to consume him, to fill myself with him.

I pulled him down on top of me, tenderness transforming into something with claws, sinking into me, pulling me down into the abyss. I grabbed a fistful of his hair, and he growled deep in his throat, grinding against me, hard through his jeans, gently first, and then harder, more demanding. I wrapped my legs around him, stroking a need inside me that made my breath catch.

“I can’t stop staring at you. I have to stop myself from putting my hands on you every goddamn minute of every day.” He moved his mouth to my neck. He kissed my skin, open-mouthed, lips soft, teeth grazing, and then spoke against me. “I can’t stop thinking about that day at the cave. How you felt. How you looked. How you sounded.” His hot breath sent goose bumps skittering across my skin. “How I felt when you realized you wanted me. I haven’t been the same since.”

A little gasp escaped me as he slipped a hand between my hips and the floor, lifting me up to grind harder against me.

“Fuck, Tadhg, I want you. All the time.” It sounded raw. It was. It was all I knew how to say.

He pulled away for a moment and locked eyes with me. “If you want me, Maya, I’m yours already.”

My stomach dove. It felt like walking across that rope bridge.

I kissed him hard, then leaned up to pull my sweater off. I needed his hands on my bare skin. I needed to get rid of all these fucking clothes between us. He unhooked my bra and let out a hopeless groan as he slid a hand over each breast. If I thought I’d wanted him before, I’d had no idea. All that longing had built to a fever pitch. I’d never wanted anyone or anything the way I’d wanted Tadhg at that moment.

We pulled each other’s clothes off, and he slid his fingers into me, gently pulling me toward the edge, breaking our kiss only when he got a condom and slipped it on. Sitting, he pulled me onto his lap and held me up, held our bodies together as I slid onto him, my breasts rubbing against his chest as we moved together.

It was like we were two different people from the last time he’d been inside me. Each building wave of desire seemed to fill my chest, my head, with some unbearable something that made me feel like I might cry and laugh at the same time. I didn’t know what it was, but I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t control it. It was in control of me.

“My God, you’re beautiful.”

I felt so bare. As if, when he stared into my eyes, he was looking through me. This man who knew me like few others did. I couldn’t hide myself from him. I didn’t want to.

I pushed him back and rolled him on top. I wanted all that weight on top of me. He slid slowly farther in, reaching deeper, stretching me, filling me, banishing that emptiness that had been building in my chest. My breath hitched and then escaped me in a deep, needy moan. He ground against me, the friction building, and I teetered on the edge of another cliff, a gathering oblivion, a tornado trying to suck me in. I grabbed his ass with both hands and pulled him deeper, closer, arching up to meet his thrusts. He caught my eyes in a look I could not look away from. I would not.

“I’ve got you, darlin’,” he said. “I’ve got you.”

I let myself fall. I shattered in his arms, body shaking, moans escaping me in screams and pleas, lost in his eyes. He held me close as I shook, pulled me tight against him, deep inside of me as I came around him, and didn’t let go. Then he jerked and growled, losing himself inside of me, grinding out every last shudder, every last pulse I had left to give him. Black, velvety bliss swallowed me whole, and a laugh burst out of me as tears slid past my temples.

“Shit.” I laughed. “What the fuck was that?”

He rumbled a laugh back to me. “Magic,” he said softly and kissed my lips, and my nose, and the tears from the side of my face while I tried to catch my breath.

We lay in each other’s arms. Naked in the firelight. Just working to breathe for a while. Just trying to keep our souls attached to our bodies.

Eventually, I leaned up on an elbow to watch the shadows play across his skin, his arms, the lines of his chest. I traced my fingers across his brow, learning every timeworn line, every scar, the perfect set of his broken nose.

“Tell me how this got broken. Was it a fight? I imagine you’ve pissed a lot of people off in your time.”

He laughed, and the feel of it was nice against my chest. “I’ll tell you if you tell me something about your childhood.”

“Okay, deal. Tell me who punched you.”

He smirked. “I hate how much you’re going to love this. It was a sheep.”

We laughed, and I told him how I fell out of a tree house once playing pirates and broke an arm, and we ate his incredible dinner on the sofa, and drank some more wine. And then he pulled me in for another kiss, and there, in the warm glow of the firelight, we lost ourselves in each other all over again.

Chapter 40 An Experiment in Happiness, and Storm Chasing, and Wanting to Kiss a Total Stranger in an Information Kiosk

We had gone to his bed late and slept naked in each other’s arms. Then we’d woken up and stretched, and with our eyes still closed, his hand had lazily grazed my ass, and just like that, I was desperate for him all over again.

When we finally got out of bed, we were famished and walked to a café in the rain.

“Can you do me a favor and cancel my date today?” I asked casually as we walked.

He stopped and looked at me for a moment, then kept walking. “Of course I can.” He rubbed a slow hand across his chest and made the call.