Page 136 of Experiments in Offline Dating

“It’s Tadhg, obviously. But I think you already know that.”

“My Tadhg?”

“Oh, come on, Jackie.”

“All right. I may have suspected something was in the air.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And are you telling me . . . that you fell in love?”

“I don’t know. Yeah. I think. Maybe? I’ve definitely never felt like this before. It’s excruciating.”

“That does sound familiar.”

“Jackie, I was horrible to him. I was mean. I yelled. And even after all that, he basically risked his life for me. I tried to get in touch. At least to apologize, to thank him. I’ve tried to call, but it won’t go through, and he didn’t respond to my messages. Do you think? Is it too late to try again? Or at least to just explain myself so that he doesn’t hate me?”

“Well, Tadhg doesn’t talk to me about much, especially not matters of the heart, as I think you know. But I don’t think I can believe he hates you, Maya. I don’t think he hates you one bit, if I’m honest. He hasn’t been himself since you left.”

“Well, then, where is he? Why won’t he respond?”

“He said he had gone unplugged or some such nonsense. I thought that meant the music was acoustic, but apparently, it meant he threw his phone away. He could be a bit of a moody hermit before, but I’ve never seen him as bad as all this. And I think, if I had to guess, Maya, maybe he’s brokenhearted too.”

My heart started clawing its way up my throat. “Jackie. I’ve had this wild idea.”

“Those are my magic words.”

“So. This is kinda crazy, but what if I invited him to New Zealand? For a do-over.” I needed to convince him. Jackie was the love specialist, a real-life Cupid. If he thought this was a good idea, maybe it could actually work.

“Hmm . . . New Zealand does seem like a long way away . . .”

“I know. That’s what makes it so perfect! We’ll be somewhere we both want to go. Somewhere completely new to both of us. Neutral ground. No other dates, no ties, no schedule, no one else trying to trap us in a sea cave or inside of a deflating air mattress.”

“Well, he does have a few sheep now, and his ram, of course, but I could look after those while he was away. But how are you planning to talk him into it?”

“That’s where you come in, Jackie! I was inspired by Gear’oid and Maedhbh’s story. Remember the trick you did for them with the widow—”

“Oh, no, my darlin’. I’m sorry, but Tadhg and I are on firmer ground now for the first time in years, and I was soundly scolded for my meddling. I want to help you, love, but there’ll be no more trickery from me. Gave him my word.”

“Well.” My empty little heart dropped a little lower into my shoes. “If I can’t call him. Can I email him? Do you know if he’s checking his emails?”

“Tadhg. I’m not even sure he has an email, love.”

“Poop.”

“You know, you could just come here and knock on his door.”

“I know. That sounds sensible, and I thought about it, but it sort of feels like an ambush, you know? ‘Surprise, I flew to Ireland and now I’m at your house without an invitation!’ Like he doesn’t really get a choice—he has to either sit and listen or kick me off his property. But if I get him to agree to a trip to New Zealand with me, then he has time to think it through and decide whether or not he wants to dive back into this with me. You have to really want to give someone a shot if you’re willing to fly to New Zealand to meet them, right? That way we both know we’re in. We’re trying this crazy experiment together. It’s . . . it’s romantic, isn’t it?”

“Well, yes. It is romantic. Some relationships take time and patience, and some take just closing your eyes and jumping. Since you live across the world, it seems your only choice is the latter. Besides”—he said this with a smirk that I could hear over the phone—“you seemed to do well enough when you were trapped together for long periods of time.”

“Jackie! Don’t sound so smug!”

The man giggled, forcing the words out between the laughter. “Like two cats, the two a’ you, smeared with tuna oil and locked in the bathroom together.”

“Well, now look at the mess you got us into!” I said, and he hooted. “You could at least try to pretend that this is serious.”

I could hear him working at smothering his mirth. “Oh, yes. Very serious. Very serious indeed, Maya.”