Page 38 of Experiments in Offline Dating

Maya: What? No! That’s just like a romance novel!

Jackie: Where do you think I got the idea?

Maya: Seriously? Do you read romance novels, Jackie?

Jackie: ’Course I do. My wife was partial to a thriller, now, or a murder mystery, but I always liked a good love story.

Maya: Me too.

Jackie: And what about you, Maya? What do you think about your experience so far, then? Your quest to find love in Ireland?

Maya: Wow. You’re really turning the tables here, Jackie. I should have been the one worried about this interview!

Jackie: I’m learning from a pro.

Maya: Ha! An obvious lie, but I’ll take it! Okay . . . so what do I think? I’m having an absolutely amazing time and an unforgettable experience. Staying here with you, sitting down to eat a meal together and hear your stories, makes me feel right at home. And it’s beautiful here, of course.

Jackie: But you didn’t fly here to date me. What about the boys? Have you met any fellas that you could like?

Maya: Straight to the point, eh, Jackie? Well. To be perfectly honest, no. I know we’ve only just started the process, and I don’t know, maybe I’m too picky, but I don’t think the men that you’ve set me up with are quite . . . my type.

Jackie: I thought you didn’t have a type?

Maya: Well. Yes. That’s true. But these are . . . No. Not for me.

Jackie: Why not?

Maya: Ooph. Well. All right. They’ve been . . . well, a bit too old for me. And we don’t have anything in common. We don’t have any of the same hobbies or goals. They like to wake up at four a.m. to start their day of hard work on the farm, and I like to stay in bed reading about goblin wars and Minotaur sex until it’s almost lunchtime. We just don’t have anything to talk about. There’s just no spark.

Jackie: Well, now, it’s a small pool of men I have to choose from here for ye.

Maya: Of course. I knew that when I got here. And I’m okay with that! The point is that I’m having a wonderful experience and a fun adventure, and I get to take my listeners along for the ride. If I leave Ireland without a ring on my finger, it’ll definitely be no fault of yours, Jackie Kelly.

Jackie: Hmm.

Maya: Some people are just beyond help.

Jackie: Well, maybe that’s true and maybe it isn’t.

Maya: Jackie. I don’t think I like that glimmer in your eye.

Jackie: I’m just thinking. So. You say you like an adventure, do you?

Maya: Uhh. Well. Yeah. Sure.

Jackie: Grand. Because I’ve just had an idea.

Maya: Uh-oh.

Jackie: And I think it’s a good one.

Maya: Jackie . . . I’m not sure I like the sound of this.

Jackie: Maya, I challenge you! Live on the radio. To have a matchmaking adventure!

Maya: Um, well, it’s not live and it’s not on the radio, but okay! I’m listening.

Jackie: All right, well, if the single men here aren’t to your tastes, how about we go on a little trip around Ireland together? I’ve got a list of strapping lads who write and call, new ones every day, asking for dates, and I’m sure I can find a better selection for you if we go to them. Give this a proper go, like.