Page 74 of Library or Lattes?

“If you have something you want to say to me, you should just say it.” He was even closer now, whispering.

“I do actually have something to say. It wasn’t my Halloween party. And yes—“

Then he moved so quickly I didn’t have time to react, his hand on my face, his body pressed against mine. He kissed me right in the middle of the rant I was about to have. And I couldn’t pull away. The way he had one hand on my lower back now, pulling me closer, his other hand on my cheek, and his lips, his lips pressed so hard against mine that I wouldn’t have been able to pull away even if I’d wanted to.

But then he did. Just like that. And he backed away until he was leaning against the opposite bookshelves, leaving me standing there, confused all over again.

“This is stupid,” he whispered. To himself. To me? “You’re leaving …”

“So are you,” I shot back, angry and desperate.

Theo threw his hands in the air. “Maybe I’m not. I don’t know. Maybe I kind of like it here after all.” Then he looked at me, with a vulnerability I’d never seen. “And I think you’re the reason why …”

And it was like all the air left my body. This shock of truth, which I hadn’t expected, shook something in me. All the petty things I’d been thinking, how I wasn’t going to talk to him, or sit next to him, turned to old-book dust.

I closed the distance between us. I could hear the sound of his heartbeat, or mine. I couldn’t tell.

“I feel it too,” I whispered against his lips.

And then I was kissing him. Urgent. Desperate. Quiet. Surrounded by a thousand other love stories that couldn’t possibly be better than ours.

9 Lattes

I TURNED AND RAN. All the way down the street, back toward my house, with my heart beating in my ears, and my hair falling in my face all mixed up with my tears. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been, to think that maybe James was really into me. All along, he’d been into April, the fiancée. The one he’d been so guarded about, the one I’d chosen not to think about. James didn’t have an Instagram, and now that seemed sinister and secretive. Was it all so I wouldn’t see that she was tall and beautiful, and definitely not some high school kid?

I fumbled with the keys in the lock, then pushed my door open. My hands were shaking as I took out my phone to type a message to James.

Me: Sorry. Won’t make it in this weekend, feeling really sick. W

I sent the message, turned off my phone, and got back into bed. Pop was working, so I didn’t need to explain.

I pulled the blanket over my face and curled into a ball, hoping the shame of what had just happened would disappear. But it didn’t. It just replayed over and over in my head in slow motion. The way she smiled at him with her wide grin and perfectly glossed lips, the way he leaned into her hair, like he was recharging himself with her scent. She probably smelled like pure joy mixed with lust and ecstasy all at once. They looked perfect together.

I hated how much this hurt. Not just because I was embarrassed but also because I’d convinced myself that I would go traveling, telling myself over and over that I was super excited, that nothing here would stop me. But here it was, plain as day, a big neon sign telling me that I couldn’t hide from my feelings for James anymore.

Somewhere between self-loathing and devastation, I fell asleep, exhausted from the emotions. I wasn’t used to such huge feelings, and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t hide them behind a smile.

I woke to a knock at the front door. And when I didn’t answer, whoever it was knocked again. I rolled my puffy eyes and pulled myself reluctantly from my bed.

When I opened the door, Lennie and Sara were there. “We went to the coffee shop, and James said you were sick? Are you okay? Your phone’s off.” Lennie scanned me. My crumpled clothes, my slept-on hair. Her eyes landing back on my face.

“Yeah,” I said, but it came out as a squeak. This time as I sobbed I didn’t have time to crawl back into bed, because Lennie and Sara were both hugging me.

“Willa, no! What happened?” Lennie walked me into the living room.

I sat down on the sofa and wrapped myself in a blanket.

Sara walked straight over to the fire and started stoking it.

“How do you know how to do that?” Lennie asked, staring at her in awe.

Sara shrugged. “Years of summer camp. Stick with me, kid.” She winked and it made both me and Lennie laugh. I didn’t know I had a laugh in me.

When the fire was blazing, Sara joined me and Lennie on the sofa. The three of us cuddled up under one blanket.

“Tell us,” Lennie said, putting her hand on mine.

So I did. I told them about beautiful, perfect April and how happy James looked when he hugged her. How humiliated I was. How stupid.