Page 28 of Dark Company

The fragmented memories that contain my father force themselves to the surface, giving me a slight respite. He was big enough, strong enough. I don’t have concrete proof, but I have near-tangible memories. It’s the press of arms about my body, the warmth that engulfs me when I feel like I’m alone.

Perhaps it will be enough. I don’t want to think about my parents while some beta is rutting on top of me, but perhaps I can use those tactile memories that were imprinted on me as a child to feel the enveloping love I need. Shaking my head, I force my body up from the pillows and blankets. It’s no use. I’m never getting to sleep now.

Sweat pours down my body as I hold myself up on shaky limbs. The sand beneath my feet feels molten. I wouldn’t be shocked if I saw blisters on my soles. Wrapping my arms about my midsection, I double over as more pain slams into my body. Something is not right.

They can’t expect me to go through with the ceremony today, not if I’m sick. Rocking back and forth, tears stream down my face to intermingle with the sweat slicking my flesh. Under the pain and the intense heat is a need that scratches at me from the inside out.

It claws at my insides, twisting them, clenching them until I’m unable to breathe. Panic beats from behind my ribcage as I fall to my hands and knees, unable to do more than crawl over to where I keep my waterskin. Once the cool water rushes over my tongue and down my throat, it helps, but doesn’t completely take away the agony that bows me backwards.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

The words float over my head, just out of conscious reach. It sounds so familiar and foreign at the same time. But the voice is right. Nothing good will happen if I stop breathing. Lying there, I drag the hot, spicy air into my nose, then force it out from between my lips.

All I have to do is breathe. As I turn my brain to the task of pulling oxygen into my body, I start to float away, separating from my physical form until I’m no longer lying on the sand. I’m untouchable. I’m free. Darkness blankets my vision as I continue to fly, reveling in the cool air as it laps at the sweat on my overheated body.

Sleep finally comes, but it doesn’t last long. All too soon, hands grab at my shoulders, shaking me, forcing me to go back into the skin that’s too hot, too achy, and altogether too angry. Turning, I look up at Alexi, noting the pinched worry lining her brows.

“Come. It’s time to get you ready. Why are you over here and not in your bed?”

Why? Why indeed. I look over at the mass of blankets and pillows, then over at the waterskin lying next to my face. Perhaps I was thirsty? Groaning, I force myself up, deliriously happy to not feel the stabbing pain in my body that I did earlier.

Weakness still pervades my limbs, making me wobble as Alexi helps me up. Her fingers feel cool, like a balm, as she smooths them over my forehead. Sighing, I lean into her touch, drawing more on the strength I feel coming off of her than any sort of desire.

No. What this week has taught me is that I do crave the closeness and camaraderie with a woman, but deep down, I long for intimacy with a man. I detest that none of the males here have caught my eye in a way that makes me burn like Alexi did at first, but hopefully when it comes time to mate with one, he will stand out from the pack.

A smirk tilts up my lips as the hilarious image of a shaft of light beaming down onto the man that I’m supposed to sleep with flashes through my mind. If anything, I’ve learned that the gods don’t act like that. They don’t make their will known through beams of light or rolling storms. That it started to rain once the omega and male beta were copulating is purely coincidental.

Unless the skies open up on me in a similar fashion today, I’ll chalk that up to coincidence and nothing more. Besides, there’s nothing saying that the Clan Mother doesn’t watch the skies or study the clouds herself. It could be she plans these things in accordance with the weather patterns, using simple science to prove the validity of the gods’ will.

Deep down, I hate that I’ve become so jaded, so cynical, but I’d rather be skeptical than falling for every little thing like I used to. With Annora, I never questioned anything. I simply took her word for everything, as if she was the ultimate authority on many matters.

Now that I know she lied, everything’s changed. She no longer is the one I look to for answers. I will now rely on myself and my own conclusions. For the first time since leaving Stanlion, I regret not actually paying more attention to my studies. I just took it for granted that I’d be a kept woman.

Unfortunately, I can’t look at the skies and make meteorological conclusions. I have no proof that the Clan Mother is full of shit. As a result, I’m now forced to fuck a stone statue since I cannot refute her claims that the gods will it so. Another sigh slips past my lips as I rest my head in Alexi’s hand.

Soon, it will all be over, and I’ll be able to go back to being invisible. With no Alphas to truly satisfy me, I should be content to do my chores and only seek relief when it’s time for my heat. Even then, would a beta even be able to scratch that itch?

Once more, cramping pain splinters my resolve, driving me back down to my knees. Alexi sinks down next to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Her soft, nonsensical words barely register in my brain as we rock back and forth. Eventually, the pain recedes and I’m once more able to breathe.

“You’re closer than we thought. It’s good you’re doing the ceremony. I have no idea who to suggest for the male to help you break your heat, but I will help you find someone.”

My words are slurred and sluggish as I look up at her, a sloppy smile crossing my lips. “It’s okay, the gods will show him to me. A shaft of light will shine down on him, showing me who will have the lucky honor of fucking me into the stone.”

Alexi frowns at my words but remains silent. Shifting her arm from around my shoulder to wrap about my waist, she pulls me up, taking my weight when I flounder. With her assistance, I make it back into the tent with the large tub. Groaning, I pull away, not wanting to be near anymore heat, but her insistent tugging is no match for my weak rebuffing.

“You’re far too hot for a bath. Don’t worry. I’m going to use cool water. It will feel much better, and hopefully, your heat will stay put until after the ceremony.”

Ladria slides inside, barely letting any additional light leak in as she eases past the curtains. My eyes are forever grateful. The dim illumination from the suns casting their harsh light onto the tent is almost too much. Without saying a word, she walks over to the large tube and shifts it over.

When Alexi starts to peel the clothes from my body, I don’t resist. I’m far too happy to be free of the scratchy material that plagues my skin. In the span of a day, my gown went from being a soft, delightful covering to itchy and harsh, abrading my skin with every slight movement.

She helps me into the tub but remains outside of the ring of metal, completely clothed. Gone is the woman that tempted me and teased me mercilessly. Who is this stranger that looks upon me with worry and a chaste, downcast turn to her eyes? Perhaps it’s the heat she’s worried about. Does she think she’ll take advantage of me in this state?

Little does she know, I’m more likely to pounce on her than anything. If it means any modicum of relief from the agony ripping my insides to shreds, then I’ll do it, even going so far as to fuck that statue willingly. My knees buckle as I picture the enormous shaft that I’m soon going to impale myself on. It’s almost too much.

The only relief is the cold spray of water flowing over my heated skin. Alexi hands me a small jar of soap but doesn’t suds me up like she’s been doing every damn day. What’s her problem? Does going into heat make me untouchable somehow? I swipe at her, needing to draw her close, but she steps back even further.