Page 50 of Dark Company

I want action, adventure, and more than that, love. I want the love I feel radiating from my parents when I slip into those special dreams. I want something more than the tepid relationship I have with Annora. I want something that literally takes my breath away, and I hate that I’m being forced to settle for the first Alpha that claims me while I’m unable to say no.

Granted, if I let myself think about it with a cold eye, he does take my breath away, but it’s not because of some deep-seated love and burning arousal. The arousal is there, but it’s not real. It’s a mechanical response brought on by our dynamics and nothing more. And as for him taking my breath away, it’s the rage and pain that swirls through the bond that does that. Not something I’d ask for in binding relationships.

Yes, I dreamed of an Alpha, but I didn’t dream of this Alpha. I didn’t dream of a bond so shattered that it hurts just to move. I want it gone. I want to be free of him, and this cursed bond. Any fairytale-like delusions I once harbored are no longer in my brain. This isn’t a matter of dreams coming true or not. It’s a matter of not being told how much the bond hurts.

All I wanted was to wake up in a cocoon of love, being swathed in the adoration of my Alpha, but instead, I find myself tethered to a madman. For a few brief moments, I thought Altris was that Alpha. I thought he could fulfill those secret needs and yearnings, but all that stopped when the pain began.

I am so like a child. I know the bond hurts, but I still reach out and touch it, as if to assure myself that it’s still there and still painful. It’s the hot stovetop that I can’t keep myself from touching, even though I know it will hurt me.

I just have to know. I have to see if things change or morph. But they don’t. Anytime I venture into his side of the bond, it’s nothing but agony and rage. It’s a palpable mass that shudders at my touch.

It hurts.

All of it hurts.

My shoulder, my heart, my entire being. I know as an omega I’m supposed to submit to him, but I can’t seem to do it. I don’t know the mechanics of it. As a beta, I never submitted to anyone. The other beta males didn’t throw around their authority. Hell, even my teachers were more likely to let me do my own thing than to take me in hand. The interactions I’ve had with Alphas were negligible. Perhaps that’s why I was able to build them up in my mind like I did.

Now, I have this behemoth of a man that’s determined to make me bow to him, to force my submission. It’s far too much to handle. Once more, hunger pangs grip my stomach, driving my face back towards the dish. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to lap at his cum like I’m some chained-up animal, but it seems like it’s that or starve.

As much as I want to hold out, to show him I don’t have to obey him, my body begs for me to at least try it. The flashes of memories that I still retain from when I was in heat tell me I liked it then. If I’m not wrong, it was the only thing I could eat during those frenzied moments.

The smell wafts up towards me, carrying with it the promise of decadence. It smells just like the Alpha, only with an added kick of spice that makes my mouth water. Dipping my face into the dish, I stick out my tongue, taking a tentative lick. It’s not nearly as good as coming from him, but it assuages the hunger pains that cramp my stomach to the point of robbing me of my breath.

Pausing for a moment, I reach out to the bond and recoil at what I feel. A blast of anger slams into me, making me squirm under the heat. Altris seems to be able to go inside of me without any issues at all. Why can’t I touch him? I try again, easing forward, hoping he won’t notice me, but the anger is still there. With it, however, is a tinge of pain and regret. But for what?

Does he actually regret marking me? Tying me to this post like a damned animal? There are so many grievances that I can lie at his feet and hope he’s sorry for. It doesn’t matter that I once dreamed of being an omega that was bound to an Alpha, but this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

From what I understand, the Alpha is supposed to make the request to mark you. He doesn’t just do it. The act is supposed to be dispassionate, easy. There aren't messy feelings involved. But with Altris, it’s nothing but emotions—hot and volatile emotions.

Not only that, but the very acts he subjects me to are beyond messy. Case in point, the cum that sits in the dish under my face. Fluids everywhere. I’m caked with them. Every time I move, I crunch. It shouldn’t be like this. There’s no way this is normal.

But what I hate most of all is the intense arousal that burns inside me every time he’s near. My brain turns to mush when he touches me. It’s nothing like that with Alexi. Yes, there was the gnaw of neediness that cut me to the core, but it was tame compared to the feelings Altris drags out of me.

It’s too much. It’s too overwhelming. His bond does something to me that nothing else has—it flays me open and leaves me vulnerable. I don’t know how to deal with that, especially since he’s a complete stranger. With Annora, it was simple, easy. She didn’t ask, and I didn’t tell. But I don’t have that option with him. If I don’t say something, he can still reach into the recesses of my mind and pull it out.

I have to get away. I have to leave him. There is no other choice. This relationship isn’t good for me, and if I continue to stay with him, he’ll force me to submit, taking away my very control. Even now, with him just outside the tent, my body needs him. I’m no longer in heat, but still, it’s as if something is missing.

The Alpha I dreamed of being with wasn’t rough like he was. They were going to be kind, sweet, doting—everything I imagined my father to be. There’s no way he’d force Mother to drink up his cum while he went away. At least, the fractured memories I have don’t lend to that conclusion.

Altris hates me. Pure and simple. It’s the only way I can be okay with the rage that vibrates between us, churning my gut in fear. Deep down, I know he won’t harm me, but I don’t put it past him to go as far as he can before doing something permanent.

Once more, hunger seizes my insides, demanding I take in more substance. Irritation rolls down my body as I’m forced to drink his essence or starve. However, each time my tongue touches his cum, something deep inside groans with longing. I hate it. Detest it even. To be beholden to a man that demeans me. It’s far too much.

I continue to lap it up, stopping right before I lick the dish clean. With a petulant flick of my wrist, I shove it to the side and lie down, feeling the crystalline shards of his cum as it crackles over my body. It doesn’t matter how or where I move, I can feel it digging into every inch of me.

Truthfully, the only part that seems at all devoid of his seed is my ass. No doubt he’s spanked all of that off, leaving just a thin layer of my skin behind. Perhaps I should thank him for the small mercy of letting me lie on my stomach. With the way my ass still throbs, anything more would be painful.

Turning my head, I look at the destruction of my nest and bite down on my bottom lip to keep from sobbing out. Yes, I used his actions to retaliate, but deep down, it did indeed hurt. Every bit he moved or tore away was a little piece of the remaining part of my heart that he ripped from me.

Though I’m very new to the whole omega thing, I thought it was common knowledge that an omega’s nest is sacred. That he ripped it to shreds without even a thought is tantamount to blasphemy. Tears flow, hot down my cheeks, as the intense need to put it to rights flashes through my brain.

It’s uncomfortable to see everything in such a haphazard way. Almost as if it physically hurts. In truth, I would rather him hurt my physical body than to ruin the nest. It was so pretty, so immaculate. It cradled my body to perfection, easing away any aches and pains.

That it also accommodated him is another matter entirely. My estrus brain must have made it with him in mind. A smile curls my lips as I close my eyes. This time, when I remake my nest, it will be only for me. I will not allow him entrance. If he can’t take care of it, he doesn’t need to be a part of it.

The scent of cooked meat reaches my nose, and once more, I’m ravenous. Looking up, I spot Altris off to the side, holding out a piece of meat to me with his fingers. When I go to take it, I find my wrists unwilling to move. At some point, while I was asleep, he must have tightened everything back up, pinning me to the pole.

His eyes are a muddled green, as if he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. It tugs at my heart to feel his pain so keenly in my chest, until I remember those feelings are not mine. He put them inside me when he claimed me. His teeth tearing into my shoulder, the one that throbs with barely any movement reminds me.