Page 158 of Black Light: Cured

members want to fuss at me for doing my damnedest to protect her? To put her needs in front of my

own? It’s killing me just as much to be away from her, if not more so. Every fucking night I toss and

turn, missing her head on my chest, and I don’t have any friends, anyone at all here to share my pain

with.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that Lila might be better for this. She’ll eventually

find someone that can see to all her needs much better than I can. Someone that won’t fight with her,

won’t have this stupid push and pull over medicine versus holistic.

Although the pain in her voice echoes in my mind, calling me a liar as it tears me apart.

Maybe this whole thing really was a mistake. If we’re both this miserable, then it can’t be the

right answer, right? But how in the hell do I fix this?

The job is practically in the bag at this point. All I have to do is walk in there and sign some

forms.

And what if I stall and she refuses to come with me?

Can I go back to D.C. and be content?

Not that I’m content here. The pain hasn’t diminished and that’s the main problem. From the

moment I penned that letter, I worried that I was making the wrong choice. But how could it be wrong

when the eventual outcome will be so right?

But is it? Am I any better here without her?

True, I have the career I’ve always wanted, but all I’ve cared about since getting here is being

without Lila. Her absence just makes me realize just how lonely life is. Even the local club I found

isn’t doing a thing to ease the pain that jolts through me every time I see something that reminds me of

her.

It’s little things. Stupid things. The stuffie I decided to keep. A faint laugh on the breeze that

belongs to someone else. Curls that belong to someone else.

I’m fucking miserable.

I so desperately want to tell her how I feel, but if I call her now, all it will do is reopen the

wound, allowing infection to seep in. It’s better that I keep radio silence and let her heal and move

past me, right? Just because I’m hurting more than I have in my entire life doesn’t mean I have to be a

jackass and make things worse for her.

Perhaps if I relay the message to someone else, it won’t feel as bad. Going through my contact