Page 6 of Prelude to a Revolution

She didn’t do too bad today. Since most of these are root vegetables, I’ll be able to make a hearty stew and pair it with some nice fish I purchased in the Water Sector earlier this week. Setting Karis into her special chair, I run the vegetables under the water, humming out a soft tune to soothe her.

To my knowledge, that was the first time she’s seen me have a vision, and I know just how terrifying they can look. The few times Gemhardt saw me, not realizing what was happening, he became almost catatonic with fear. It took at least five minutes of cajoling and a bout of sex before he believed I was truly okay.

Now, when I feel them coming on, I try to escape to the bathroom, or somewhere out of his sight. He loves me far too much to be okay with what they do to me. And if I ever told him about the true meaning behind my body locking down as my mind is ravaged, I’m worried he’d either drag me to a doctor or stop loving me all together.

It’s bad enough he married me, a simple beta from Sector One, but to have a flawed, defective beta at that? I couldn’t ask him to carry yet one more burden. I see how he acts around his fellow Alphas. He carefully selects his words. I also know he doesn’t bring them around our house. No doubt it’s mostly for the safety of the children, but part of me wonders if it’s because none of them thinks highly of me.

Every now and then, he has to leave and eat with them, keeping up morale and such, but never once does he offer them to have dinner with us. I know he’s wanting to protect me, but he can’t. The note from earlier proves it. If him being a Guardian Alpha doesn’t stop it, then why not let the other Alphas come around? The girls aren’t old enough for them to trigger a heat, so it has to be because of me.

Karis’s babbling stops the train of thought right there. If it were just Annora, it probably wouldn’t be a problem, but because Karis is still so young, there’s no guarantee she’ll be able to hide her dynamic as carefully. Annora is far more used to the contacts than I would like, but Karis…. She’s so small, so little. To force contacts into her eyes at this age would be pure misery.

And so, until she’s old enough to explain our little lie, we must live secluded. Then again, once they both come of age, we’ll have to hide them away from Alphas once more lest they somehow overpower the supplements. Or, heavens forbid, we get a bad batch and it causes one of them to go into heat with little provocation.

Gemhardt does his best, and is always willing to watch Karis as I leave the house and shop in other sectors, but it’s still a lonely existence. I would never trade my girls for all the world, but until it’s safe for my little omegas, these are the sacrifices I have to make.

Checking the straps on Karis’s seat, I restart the water boiling and chop up the vegetables. I don’t do too much of the prep work, since Annora seems to thrive in the kitchen, but if I don’t get things started, it will be late into the night before we can even eat. Once the initial prep is done, I wipe my hands on my pants and ease my way over to the girl’s bathroom.

With Karis occupied with her blocks and picture books, she won’t even notice I’m gone. The sound of water splashing greets my ears as I get closer to the door, but just underneath that, I can hear faint sobs. They’re the tears of a little girl crying her heart out when she thinks no one can hear. I long to go in there, to comfort her or soothe her, but knowing Annora, that would just make her embarrassed, adding to her discomfort.

Shaking my head, I rest my hand on the door for a moment, willing feelings of love to her. Maybe it’s stupid, but deep down, I want her to know she’s not alone. I know it feels like it, but she’s not. Ever. Despite the fact that we force her to hide who she is, I love every bit of her.

I would never change her if the government didn’t force our hand. New tears prick my eyes as I picture her sitting in the tub, the shower beating down on her as she’s curled up into a miserable ball. I know this because that’s what I do. When everything is just too much, I put Karis in her play area and escape.

There’s no way I can do it when Gemhardt is home, so I have to plan my meltdowns, waiting until he’s unable to hear or smell me. My lips turn down into a morose frown as I reach up and finger the mark he gave me. It’s only there as a symbol of ownership. It’s his way of showing everyone that he’s claimed me, but that’s it.

I’ve heard of the bond omegas share with their Alphas, but as a beta, I’ll never experience it. I’ll never know what it’s like to feel him deep inside, knowing I can reach out to him with just a thought, and he’d be there to comfort me. More tears threaten to fall, but I can’t let them. I have to be strong. I have to survive.

Walking back into the kitchen, I watch as Gemhardt leans over Karis, his lips pulled back into a wide grin. I know he loves me. There is never any doubt, but his little girls also own a piece of that heart, as they should. I’ve never known an Alpha to be so doting, so committed to their children’s happiness.

Without turning to look at me, he opens his arm. Without another thought, I race towards him, huddling in the safety of his warmth. I breathe deep, taking his scent into my lungs. It will sustain me. It has to. He curls his arm around me and holds on tight, gluing the pieces of my shattered existence back into place.

Unable to stop myself, I let the tears flow once more, dotting his shirt with my sorrow. Instead of questioning me or chiding me, he lets me pour out my anguish into him. A solid rock. A foundation that will never be moved. His strength holds me there, allowing me to breakdown. After a moment, he guides me into the bedroom and sets me on the bed, his rough fingers sliding down my cheek.

“My love. What’s wrong?”

What can I tell him? What can I say? How can I put this deep-seated sense of dread into words? Shaking my head, I dispel the tears and attempt to get up. Gemhardt doesn’t let me. His broad hand settles over my breastbone as he pushes me back.

“Today was just a rough day, love,” I finally whisper. “That’s it. Nothing to worry about.”

His brows crinkle in thought as he stares at me, his eyes shifting over my face, as if he knows I’m lying, but doesn’t have enough data to prove it. After a moment, a long sigh eases out from between his lips. Gemhardt says nothing, but his soft purr fills the space between us, easing that brick of fear that’s lodged in my chest.

After a few more moments, my breathing becomes more natural, less stilted. I both love and hate the effect on me. I love it because it’s an instant soother. It allows everything to dissipate in that moment, but I hate it because it will never last. I’ll always need his purr.

When he met me, I was strong, a force to be reckoned with. Now, I feel like I’m a fragile, hollow shell. Wrapping my arms around my waist, I breathe for a few moments, basking in the indomitable strength that exudes from him. It fills my pores and infuses deep inside me.

Even though I’m prone to moments where hysteria takes over me, this is different. I’m usually able to hold it together in front of the girls. I’ve never broken down like this in front of Karis or Annora. What the hell is wrong with me?

Again, my hands drift to my stomach and breath stills in my throat. No. Oh, gods. No. I turn to Gemhardt, but he doesn’t notice my reaction. His eyes are closed as he stands in front of me, concentrating on his purr, never letting it falter. My fingers curl into the fabric covering my abdomen, as if I can somehow claw at the burgeoning life forming inside me. It’s the only answer.

The crying.

The visions.

As the future looms in front of my eyes, the absolute terror that drips down my spine.

I’m carrying another child. Will this one be another girl? Perhaps another omega? We’re struggling to keep the two we have hidden. But to add in a third? Maybe Ilaria will smile down at me and grant me either an Alpha or a beta. But then, if they’re a beta, will they be allowed to live in our sector for long? With how everyone is going on about keeping the bloodlines pure, it would only be a matter of time before they drive us all out.

Fear rises up my throat like thick bile, choking me. I can’t say anything to Gemhardt, not until I know for sure. It could be nothing. It could be simple hormones, but deep in my gut, I know it’s not.