Page 86 of In Service to the Duke

“Please do not be wroth with me, my son.” Her fingers grasp the front of my shirt as desperation pours off of her.

With a sigh, I gather her hands in mine. At this point, I’m too emotionally wrung out, tossed to and fro with all the information stuffing my brain full. Underneath it all is the mind-numbing relief that she’s going to be well. It makes this petty anger seem so small and insignificant.

“Do you love him?”

The pink deepens into a red. “I feel great affection toward him. But I cannot love anyone but your father. God rest his soul. He helps, but can never fully take away the pain of a broken bond.”

“You could have just come to me, told me.”

“Would you have listened? Truly? What would Margaret and Elizabeth think? I have to keep up appearances for their sake. Besides, I would be lying if I said he was the only reason I feigned illness.”

“Oh?” Raising my eyebrow, I pin her with a playful glare. “Please, regale me.”

“I know you are prone to stay in London. However, the moment I saw you and Miss Gillet together on our journey home, I just knew you would make a great match. I had to keep you home to allow things to blossom between the two of you.”

Shock roots me to the spot. “Why you meddlesome vixen,” I cry out. “You trapped me in this marriage just as surely as her mother did.”

“Well, maybe. If you put it in the most technical of terms. However, I had your best interest at heart. If I had steered you toward her after the whole Delilah debacle, you would have run as far as your steed would have taken you. No, this was the only way to see if there was, in fact, a true love spark between the two of you.”

“And if there wasn’t?”

“I’m not daft. I would have given up on the ruse far sooner. Granted, once you left, I would have had to figure out another way to keep Jeffery by my side. Something not quite so dire as consumption, but enough that no one would have questioned his continued presence in this home.”

Shaking my head, I take another step back away from her. So many conflicting thoughts and emotions race through me. Though deceit lay all around in haphazard piles, I can’t help but smile at my mother’s antics. Truth be told, I think it’s the knowledge that she isn’t dying which makes this all the more palatable.

“What of Margaret and Elizabeth? Surely, they will need to know so they can quit grieving your impending demise.”

“About that…”

Groaning, I run my fingers through my hair. “What else, Mother?”

“Margaret already knows. She can keep a secret. I didn’t tell her about Jeffery, Of course, but I did let her in on my experiment with you and Miss Gillet.”

Exasperated, I throw my hands into the air. “Well, that explains her impromptu interrogation, that one breakfast. Honestly, Mother, the girl has no tact.”

A heavy sigh drifts from her lips. “She’s far more incorrigible than I’d like. But there’s still time to soften her edges.”

“And Elizabeth?”

“I plan on telling her before the ceremony. Trust me, I can be believable when I want to be.”

My lips thin. “I know. You had such a penchant for the theatre.”

“And I would have enthralled so many if your father hadn’t convinced me to marry him.”

Chuckling under my breath, I kiss her weathered cheek. “Please do not deceive me in this way again. My heart will not take it. When I thought I’d lose you-”

“Shhhh, love,” she soothes, patting my cheek. “You have my solemn vow. Only if all is forgiven.”

“You know I cannot stay cross with you for long.”

“No,” she smiles. “You are your father’s son, after all.”

CHAPTER 37

EMMA

My fingers tremble as I clutch the small bouquet of flowers in my hand. Outside the parish, I pace back and forth. It’s not as if I can actually back out of this, yet the desire to run sends fire racing through my veins.