Page 7 of Little Miss Fortune

It moves. Something landed on my face and is now crawling. I try hard not to scream, but the blood drains from my face, faintness nears, and my vision tunnels when I realise it’s a spider. Toby Lewis picks up a piece of paper, pushes the creature onto it, and throws it out of the window.

‘Sorry, back to my question.’ He sits back down and looks at me.

I lift my hand in a question. ‘I am so sorry. Can I just step outside for a second?’

‘Is everything okay?’ Toby asks.

‘Yeah, I am just terrible with bugs. I think I am going to faint.’

And I do. My eyes roll back as I slide off my chair.

My lids open after what felt like a small eternity but was about ten seconds. Adzo is on the floor with me; she smells like a god that stepped off Mount Olympus. I must have sniffed her too loudly, because she asks, ‘Do you like the new scent? It’s our client’s product.’

Like I haven’t embarrassed myself enough. The blood that recently escaped my cheeks is back in a flood.

‘I think I died, and it brought me back.’ I dig my grave of embarrassment further. Why stop at 6-feet deep when 10 is a better number?

Luckily, she laughs. ‘Can I get that in writing to put on promotional materials?’

I nod as the men help me up from the floor. A cup of sweet tea and a protein bar appear in front of me. I check the ingredients—peanut butter and salted caramel—yum. Steven and Adzo refuse to continue until I’ve eaten it and finished my tea.

‘You know what that reminded me of?’ I try to stop myself from talking, but it just pours out between bites. ‘When I was 7, I lived in Japan, and a bee flew into our classroom. I got so scared, put my shoes on, and ran all the way home. When my mum opened the door, frazzled from the phone call from the school, the first thing she said was, Fuko, I can’t believe you stole another girl’s shoes. I am just really bad with bugs. I think parts of my brain switch off. Here—it literally did.’

There is a polite chuckle but also an awkward exchange of looks between people who could have employed me, but now never will. That’s why I usually don’t talk to people about... anything beyond the weather. The best thing now is to not say anything and just go back to the interview.

‘And insects in rural Japan are worse than here. They are bigger and unafraid. Moths the size of a fist. Worms the length of snakes. Even the butterflies are scary big. You never know if it’s a small bird or a flying creature from hell.’

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

‘That is true, actually. A praying mantis climbed up my leg. It was the size of a small rodent. I’ve been to Japan recently, just came back.’ Toby Lewis tries to lighten the mood with a small brag.

‘Oh, that’s lovely,’ Adzo lilts.

‘Oh, how nice,’ Steven says.

‘Oh, yeah, you did!’ I say without thinking, bringing the conversation to an actual, inarguable halt.

Now this is a pickle. Three pairs of eyes turn to me like sharks when they smell blood. There needs to be something that would be less HR-worthy than ‘I have seen your junk’. I can’t say I have checked his social media like I did with the other two, because I only know about them through them signing their names in the interview invitation e-mail, which he didn’t do. Think, Fuko, think.

I scramble for ideas as their bodies careen towards me, waiting for an explanation. Stalker is written all over Toby Lewis’s face. He thinks I’ve stalked him. I sigh, saying the only thing I can in the post-faint state.

‘We stayed at the same inn. I got stuck on the mountain, and you kindly paid for my room to make me feel better.’ Honesty is the best policy, especially when you know the subtle art of the Kyoto-esque approach—direct towards the conclusion without revealing your hand. A perfect balance of honne and tatemae, inward feelings and outward face.

‘Oh Toby, that’s lovely.’ Adzo compliments his gesture.

‘Oh, that probably wasn’t too bad with how weak the yen is at the moment,’ Steven mumbles to himself.

‘Oh, God.’ Toby, unlike me, clearly has never heard of being subtle.

His face flushed with the brightest red stain, enough to make me think it will never leave. His head drops on the table and is covered with his arms like the most terrified tortoise you can imagine.

‘What, what happened?’ Steven asks, surprised by his reaction.

‘Toby, are you all right?’ Adzo looks at me and then at him and then back at me.

‘It’s fine. It’s honestly nothing.’ He also realises that he can’t just say ‘I have seen this candidate without her clothes on’.

I need to get the attention back on me before they ask more questions. ‘My fainting!’ I interject. ‘I am so sorry about it.’ I laugh.