Page 74 of Drowning in Darkness

I swallow the lump in my throat.

Will always offer help before asking for it.

Needs purpose almost as much as she needs safety.

I read the lines again, slower this time. These aren’t observations made by someone collecting information. They’re the thoughts of someone who has been paying attention. Not to my weaknesses, but to me.

Fear of calla lilies remains a powerful trigger.

My fingers curl around the edge of the laptop as I reach the final line.

Protect at all costs. Failure is not an option.

The back door opens behind me before I have a chance to process what I’ve just read.

“I just realized we need to call your brother before he sends out a search party.”

James’s voice is calm, but when I turn to face him, his gaze lands on the open file and something changes in his expression.

Not anger. Not panic.

Something far more dangerous.

Regret.

TWENTY-THREE

STEPHANIE

We never got past the why stage.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” he grumbles.

I look back at the screen as my stomach twists into knots. How much does he know? The Cliffs Notes or the gory details? I squeeze my eyes closed and wage a silent battle with the demons in my head telling me how ugly I am inside and out. How I could never be attractive to a man because I’m ruined. It’s a mess of emotions that rears its head at the worst possible times. I don’t want him to see me as a victim; I want to be a woman in his eyes.

“Why?” I whisper.

“Because reading your file alongside previous victims is not good for your mental health.”

“No, James. Why do you even have it in the first place?”

“You’re being hunted, and I am hunting the hunter. It’s never been more dangerous for you, but I have to see you as he does.”

I shake my head and flip my eyes open to glare at him. “That’s not what I’m asking, and you know it.”

He folds his arms and tilts his head. “Every piece of information I have is something he’ll be able to figure out.”

I move the mouse and flick open the file history. “You are acting like you put this together this week.” I tap the screen. “And yet my file was created months ago, James. The strawberries, the way I get lost in a book, the lilies... they aren’t recent observations you made with the excuse that I’m in danger. So I’m asking you again. Why?”

He sighs. “Why? Because after years of keeping my sister safe by bending to the will of a sick man, I threw all of that to the wind when I saw your vulnerable body dangling from a chain, and I made the decision to put a woman I didn’t know first. Why? I don’t know, sweetheart.” He stalks closer and leans over me, his damp T-shirt brushing my cheek as he slams the laptop shut. I freeze when he cages me in the chair with his arms resting against the table behind me. He smells divine, of soap, citrus, and something inherently manly that makes my head swim. He’s so close, and I don’t want to run away. I want to be carried in his arms.

He tilts his head down as I tilt mine back to meet his eyes. “Why?” I ask again.

“Because you are the sibling of the man my sister loves.”

That’s deflection if I’ve ever heard it. I reach up and trail my fingers across his jawline, marveling at the way the scruff flexes against my touch. “Why?”

His eyes flutter closed. “Because you are you and deserve all the love and light in the world.”