Page 78 of Drowning in Darkness

I shake my head to free the thoughts. Unsuccessfully.

“I’ll look forward to receiving my parcel.”

“Stephanie?”

“Yep?”

“Don’t fall.”

I salute her like a freaking weirdo and then give her a little wave to cap off the insanity I’m signalling. I end the call before she can call my brother in for immediate retrieval and collapse against the mountain of pillows on my bed.

I have needs that another woman can see on a freaking video call. Taking care of it would be the safest option. I twist my head and glance around the room. Why does it feel wrong to touch myself in the middle of the day in a stranger’s house? There are too many reasons to list, so I do what any self-respecting woman would do. I dart up from the bed and into the gorgeous dark-tiled bathroom with a freaking shower big enough for seven folks to get their freak on. It’s not my first time using it, but it’s the first time I’m getting in to get dirty instead of clean.

I whip my T-shirt over my head and shimmy off the sweats, leaving them in a pile on the floor. A grin spreads across my face when I spot the smart speaker. I had wondered what he gets up to in here, and now I know. He holds naked karaoke shows. I can get on board with that. Plus, the music will help drown out everything.

“Alexa, play sexy music,” I call out. She may as well get on Team Solo Pleasure. She obliges with a sultry tune. I lift my head and frown at the bright lights. I wonder if... “Alexa, turn down the lights.” They dim, leaving the room bathed in a soft warm glow. Perfect. Mood makes for everything, right?

I start slow, taking my time to clean my body with the shower gel that smells exactly like James, helping me to imagine him being right here. I lean my head back against the tiles and close my eyes. Breath skates across my collarbone, and I tip my head back and sweep my hands over my bbreasts, which grow heavier by the second.

Need coils low, that simmering heat catching fire. A dark, intoxicating craving blooms, a desire I’m helpless to refuse.

Pressure builds as his tongue traces a pattern against the pulse fluttering in my throat. I want his teeth. I need him ravenous, starved, unhinged.

“James, please,” I beg.

He sinks to his knees, cups my breast, and sucks as much as he can into his mouth. “Beg me, sweetheart,” he growls. “Show me how needy you are.”

Yes, he would be someone who was keen to play with my body and hold my pleasure hostage.

I widen my legs and glide my fingers between my swollen labia. I’m already wet, ready for him to tease relentlessly. Kisses flutter like butterflies over my stomach as I circle my clit. I cry out at the burst of pleasure. Damn, this isn’t going to take much to tip me over the edge. My back arches. I need something different right now. I grab the shower extender and switch it on, checking the temperature first and adjusting the pressure. Perfect. I bite my lip and sink back into my fantasy.

“Show me how you like it, Stephanie.” His voice is gravelly, as if he’s starving for a taste of me. I don’t even know how it would feel, and that’s something I’d love to rectify, but the trust it takes to be that vulnerable…

My hand glides through his damp hair, encouraging him to keep going. This isn’t about teasing; it’s about taking the edge off a need he’s created.

Lips graze my inner thigh, making it tremble.

I just need...

TWENTY-FIVE

JAMES

If you don’t knock before entering, then whatever you find is on you.

She is going to be the death of me. Would I enjoy the descent? One hundred percent. But I’d end up taking her with me, and that’s unacceptable. I’ve done two laps of the farthest perimeter, checking all the cameras are in place and working.

I’ll need to head to town tomorrow and pick up the order containing fuck knows how many nail polishes. If they bring her a minute of happiness, I’d buy all the nail polish in the world for her. I swipe a hand through my damp hair as the early snowflakes kiss my heated skin. I need to check the weather report. Getting stuck in the lodge for days, if not weeks, has never bothered me before, but I’ve never had company.

For the first time, I wonder if I’m going to need to call Daisy on her vacation. It’s always been a hard line for me. I can cope for a few weeks while the woman I trust to quiet my demons is getting some hard-earned rest. But those other times I didn’t have a siren under the same roof tempting me.

You know it’s a fucked-up universe when the one woman I’m attracted to is the one woman I can’t have. I’m sure some psych would have a field day with my mind. I stopped reacting to the female form years ago, when every encounter was meant to be about control, pain, and abuse. I got creative over time to fake what was demanded of me, but it doesn’t negate the fact I put my hands on them. I had choices, and I could have taken the pain and probable death if I refused. I convinced myself that if it wasn’t me doing those things, it would be someone like Christopher, and then they would have little chance of survival.

Jonathan taught me how to charm, coax, and play the prince to lure women into the snake pit. But I schooled myself on how to fake rape and murder to get those women out of the horrendous situation they’d stumbled into.

The harder situations were with girls like my sister, the ones born and raised in the cult who had been brainwashed to believe this was the way of the world. Those were the tricky ones, because if they didn’t follow through when presented to a man, they would spill the beans to Jonathan. Not everyone had a mother like ours, who fought in the shadows to teach us a different life waited beyond the walls of the compounds.

But Stephanie’s a miracle in a pretty package. The way she lights up a room after experiencing such darkness and how she clawed her way back to hope after losing it takes strength and determination. She deserves soft and loving, a partner to treat her sweetly. Someone to love her and who will whisper sweet nothings in the middle of the night. I am not that man. Now, if the rest of my body could get on board with that, we would be golden.