Page 33 of What’s Left of Us

I giggled, because we’d only recently started using those titles. Atlas asked me the week before. He’d said, I know you already are, but Ryan said I needed to ask you to be my official girlfriend. Make sure you knew not to go out with other guys.

Okay, I’d said with a grin. I’ll stop seeing Brett then.

He’d tickled me until I was begging him to stop, and then we made out until it was well-past my curfew. Luckily, my parents were too busy yelling at each other to pay any attention to me.

“Just put me down!” I had a death grip on the sides of his T-shirt. It was the exact same green as his eyes, and yes, it really did make them pop.

“It’s okay, I’m good.” Atlas steadied, readjusting his hold. The hand on my back went south, cupping my butt. “I won’t drop you.”

“You were supposed to put me down to prevent me puking!”

Without replying, Atlas walked lazily to the table. We were in his backyard, surrounded by a group of kids and a few makeshift tables. His mom had gone all-out for his party, like she did every year. Atlas pretended to be annoyed at the fuss, but I knew he secretly liked the attention.

Atlas stopped at one of the tables to grab a fistful of chips. The pizza was running late, which was why we were playing the stupid spinning contest. It was a terrible idea, and not much of a game at all, but I’d never been able to deny this boy anything.

“Who’s next?” he called out. Holding me with only one hand, he poured himself a glass of lemonade. “Ryan? You and Jenna?”

Though I couldn’t see it, I knew Ryan was glaring. His crush on Jenna was beyond obvious to everyone except Jenna. And maybe Ryan.

“That game is stupid.”

“I kind of agree!” I shouted from Atlas’s back. “Not your best idea.”

Atlas swatted my butt, and I let out a surprised yelp. Phoebe, of course, noticed. She was increasingly becoming the worst when it came to stuff like this.

“Hey! Watch your hands, Atlas Jonathan!” she called. Something whacked against my leg. A balled up piece of paper, maybe? It was probably the sheet she’d been using to score this stupid game.

“Watch your aim, Phoebe Lee!” he shouted back. He squeezed me tighter to him, and I let out an embarrassingly high-pitched giggle. Atlas rested his hand back on my butt. “Just like the Greek god, I’ve got the whole world in my hands. You can’t just go knocking her off!”

“Aww, such a romantic,” Ryan teased.

“Actually,” Rachel said from the treehouse. “That’s a common misconception in Greek mythology. Atlas was a Titan, not a god, and his punishment was to hold up the sky, not the earth.”

“Hear that?” Phoebe teased. “You’re his punishment, Violet.”

The world flipped as Atlas rotated me, dropping my feet on the grass. I blinked a few times, until my surroundings stopped spinning. Atlas gripped my shoulders, grinning broadly as I found my balance. We stood like that for a second longer than was necessary, only breaking apart when Mrs. Blake came through the sliding door. She carried a stack of pizzas—more than the group could realistically eat—and Atlas tugged me to the table on the porch. I sat in a chair, and he took the nearest one, scooting it close enough that our arms touched.

We were only fourteen, so most of our friends weren’t in a relationship. If they were, theirs never lasted as long as ours did. That said, I knew this might not be forever. As my parents so often reminded me, we had our whole futures ahead of us to date and settle down. I knew Atlas and I might be racing to an inevitable end, but I couldn’t help hoping for something more. Soulmates met young sometimes, didn’t they?

I rested my head on his shoulder. He laughed with his friends as they argued over a video game I knew nothing about. It was more peaceful than it should have been. Anyone else, even Nat, and I would have felt left out. Annoyed that I couldn’t contribute.

With Atlas, the boy who casually declared me the whole world, I didn’t feel scared or worried or insecure at all. I felt at home, and some small, foolish part of me believed we’d be the exception to everyone else’s rules. Someday, we’d be old and grey, and we’d tell our grandkids that our love story was one that beat the odds. We fell in love at fourteen and never, not once, did we want to be apart.

I closed my eyes, and before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep sitting up.

Chapter 14

now

Nat’s bucket lists surround me in the living room. I’m alone this weekend—Hayden is out of town for a football game. She’s at Aberlena University on a cheerleading scholarship, and now that the semester is in full swing, most of her weekends will be taken up with games and competitions.

Right now, I kind of wish I’d gone to watch. Derek invited me to come with a group of his friends, but I’d said no. I could be in southern Washington, drunk and watching football. Instead, I’m having an existential crisis on our tasseled rug.

Nat’s lists date back all the way to the fourth grade. There are ten in total. The handwriting is messier in the beginning, and the lists are longer. Some are marked with little checked boxes. Others are simply scratched out. Only two items are crossed off her senior year list. Her final list counts to eight, but the last number is blank. Seven goals, not one marked.

Nat disappeared four nights before Christmas. Plenty of time to accomplish a few of these. Even one.

I shuffle her younger lists into a stack and slump back against the couch, holding the final one in front of me. Seven items.