Page 46 of What’s Left of Us

I’m tempted to ask for more details on the rental, but I’m too afraid I’ll blurt out something weird. Like whether he got us one room or two.

“Did your family used to go there?” Atlas asks. “Or why do you think she picked it?”

“No. I have no idea.” I return the folder to my backpack, exchanging it for a bag of chips. Dill pickle flavored. I pop a chip into my mouth before adding, “Nat always wanted to travel. I’m guessing she picked it because it looks pretty. Maybe she wanted to take pictures of the beach. Maybe it was something she’d talked about with one of her friends. Or maybe she wanted to go surfing. She did want to try a sport other than tennis.”

“Maybe she just wanted to go skinny dipping.”

We’d briefly discussed going skinny dipping while in Oregon, but that was over a week ago. I haven’t forgotten—I’m certain I couldn’t—but part of me hoped it wouldn’t come up. Even if we don’t see each other naked, the thought of doing that together feels way, way too intimate.

“Well, we know that’s true.” I offer the bag of chips toward Atlas, just to watch his nose scrunch. He’s always been a hater of delicious chips. According to him, dill pickle is the worst flavor, followed closely by salt and vinegar.

“It’s bad enough you’re making me smell those.” He waves me off. “I can’t believe you eat them.”

“If I ever end up on death row, this will be my final meal.”

“Just the chips?” he asks. “Or is that your side dish?”

“Dill pickle chips are the main,” I say. “A side of salt and vinegar chips. Dessert of lemon popsicles.”

“You know, I’ve actually grown to like those.” At my gasp, he smiles. “The lemon popsicles, to be clear. Not the salt and vinegar. Don’t get too excited.”

“Well, well, well,” I drawl. “Looks like I’m not the only one who’s evolved.”

“Nice of you to notice.”

There’s a pause of quiet. It’s not nearly as uncomfortable as it’d been before, but I can’t keep myself from talking. According to the GPS on Atlas’s dash, we have three and a half hours until we reach our destination. That’s over three hours where I can’t help but be in the same place as Atlas. That’s basically a three-hour pass where I don’t have to feel guilty for talking to him.

“What else has changed?” I take a final handful of chips before rolling up the bag and cramming it into my backpack. “Anything new?”

“Like what?”

“Like, I don’t know.” I tug my knees to my chest and rest my chin on them. “Do you have any tattoos? Have you gotten taller? You seem taller. Did you spend your summers teaching kids to play the ukulele too, or were you too busy serving tables at Creed’s?”

“No tattoos. Last I checked, I was 6’6”, but it’s been a while since I was measured. I didn’t teach kids to do anything at all. When I wasn’t working, I was just hanging out with Ryan or Levi. Not doing anything particularly interesting, honestly.”

At the mention of Ryan, a random memory pops into my head, and I ask about it before I think better of it.

“You remember that time you and I got in a fight?”

“Which time?” Atlas asks with a wry smile.

“Ryan came over with his friend Chase. You were having a water gun fight. You got mad at me.”

“I wasn’t mad at you.” He glances at me. “But yeah, I remember.”

“Were you jealous?”

“Obviously.” When I don’t respond, he looks at me again, wearing a skeptical expression. “But you knew that.”

“Not at the time,” I say. “Nat thought you were though. That’s why she and Phoebe coordinated the little movie set-up a week later.”

Where that character dyed her hair blue. Where I swore I would never do such a thing. Where Atlas catalogued that detail for some unknown reason, just to use it years later as an excuse to follow me here.

“I didn’t even know I liked you that way,” Atlas says. He’s fully smiling now, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. There’s a wistful look on his face, like he’s amused by his younger self. “Mom and Phoebe had been teasing me about you for years, but I didn’t think it was like that. The second I saw Chase’s hands on you though, I knew. I almost lost it. Wanted to kick his ass.”

“Instead you told me to leave.”

“Yeah, I know. I was a dumbass.” He laughs. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. All I knew was I needed you to be so far away, Chase never looked at you again.”